Hey Compadre

articles Destinations Travel & Destinations

Alvin Starkman


Whether you live in Oaxaca or vacation here on a regular basis, if you’ve begun to integrate into the community, eventually you’ll be asked to be a padrino or madrina (godparent) to an ahijado or ahijada (godchild), so you’d better familiarize yourself with “compadrazgo,” or co-godparenthood. In a nutshell, it’s a web of mutual rights and obligations of monumental importance throughout Mexico and elsewhere, both in urban centers and rural communities, cutting across and permeating virtually all socio-economic strata. One chooses who will be his or her lifetime compadres, the cornerstone of compadrazgo.

Virtually all Oaxacan rites of passage include the attendance of children.
Virtually all Oaxacan rites of passage include the attendance of children.

If someone is asked to be a padrino of a child upon baptism, it creates a new bond between two families, solidified by the creation of compadres. The parents and grandparents of the child become compadres to the padrinos (at times extending to their children…i.e. compadritos.) While family members are frequently asked to be padrinos, often friends, neighbors and business acquaintances are selected, as a means of strengthening ties that already exist. Academic writings, confirmed by my personal experience, suggest that while, as a godparent you have lifelong obligations to your godchild that may or may not ever be called upon, it’s the ties between compadres that can come into play on a regular basis.

Let’s examine other occasions when you might find yourself asked to be a godparent, the obligations that may fall upon you at the time and, finally, how your new status as a compadre manifests, and keeps on ticking. Why you and not someone else? To understand we must look at the pool of prospective choices from which you may be selected. My perspective may appear cynical, but is fact based and proven, using a functionalism model.

Godparents are selected for both religious and secular rites of passage, for godchildren ranging from infant to adult. In Oaxaca, the most common events where custom dictates godparents be chosen are marriages, school graduations, girls’ 15th birthday celebrations ( quince años), confirmations, first communions and baptisms. Sometimes, but not always, there may be a financial commitment involved, where for example as padrinos of a wedding or quince años, a couple may be asked or simply volunteer to contribute to the cost of the affair. But don’t worry, financial obligations may be shared amongst several godparents. A case in point involved my wife and me. When asked to be godparents at the wedding of the son of then merely acquaintances, our mouths dropped, whereupon after a pregnant pause the request was concluded with “…of the rings.” This meant that we were responsible for buying the wedding bands, while another couple was being honored with being the primary padrinos of the newlyweds. In fact you can be asked to be godparents of (for purchasing) the cake, liquor, flowers, and the list goes on, depending often upon the financial ability of the people throwing the function, and in the case of individuals with resources, whether or not they want to bestow a special honor at that particular point in time of the already-existing relationship. You may be asked to make a speech, give a blessing, dance with the bride/groom or quinceañera, almost always being an active participant depending on circumstances. If you’re not Catholic, don’t take communion or kneel, let your soon-to-be compadres know, even if it appears there won’t be a religious component to the proceedings. There will likely be a priest involved. For example, on occasion one finds padrinos chosen within the context of the opening of a new business. As part of the ribbon-cutting ceremony, the priest may be in attendance to give and direct blessings. Personally, this Jew doesn’t object to having a little holy water splashed on him by the padre… as long as it’s as a result of inadvertence.

Padrinos are almost always selected from people of the same or a higher socio-economic class. For example, a factory worker may select the supervisor of her department to be her daughter’s padrino at a baptism, but the corollary would rarely occur. A maker of alebrijes in Arrazola may ask a wealthy patron/shop-owner from Mexico City to be godmother to her daughter and future son-in-law at their wedding, but the opposite would be out of the question. And you may be similarly asked, by a Oaxacan friend/neighbor, a perhaps perceived equal, but for different reasons. Functions regarding the foregoing three examples? Bonds of friendship are acknowledged and strengthened for future utility; a patron-customer relationship is affirmed with comfort in now knowing that it will continue ad infinitum; and there will be the perception that a boss won’t fire a compadre.

Your status as a compadre begins immediately, and you may never again be referred to by your name, but rather “Compadre” or “Comadre”. You’ll experience the metamorphosis of your status, and will be treated differently. As an otherwise extranjero (foreigner), you may feel as though you’ve come of age in Oaxaca. Compadres give and receive more invitations. Favors may be asked of you more readily and of a different type, with an expectation of compliance, if not the most careful consideration… and just as importantly, you will come to feel more comfortable making requests of your compadres… borrowing a truck, helping out with an arduous household chore, lending money, housing a relative temporarily, providing counsel in trying times, receiving preferential treatment in business or politics. By the end of our first year of permanent residency in Oaxaca, of the foregoing we lacked personal experience in only the matter of politics.

A young girl dancing in traditional regional dress.
A young girl dancing in traditional regional dress.

In terms of the broader societal importance of compadrazgo, the number of kinship ties you have is relatively finite, and usually beyond your control. However, for as many life stages and changes as may arise, one’s immediate family has the opportunity to extend non-relative or “fictive” kinship ties through deliberate selection. One is able, through mutual requests and compliance, to build and nurture innumerable economic and social alliances.

Here in Mexico no one ever utters “you can pick your friends but not your family.” The strategies and decision-making processes involved in determining who would make appropriate compadres for a family, and why, are absolutely fascinating. I’ve touched upon only some of the dynamics. The internet and traditional anthropological literature are exhaustive and should be consulted by those interested or thrust into the system.

Published or Updated on: May 1, 2007 by Alvin Starkman © 2008
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