Oct 8, 2005, 7:14 PM
What is the deal with these tequila bottles?
Is there some kind of incantation I have to recite in order to coax the goodness out of the bottle? Gravity is failing to do the trick.
From time to time, I have problems getting it to pour, but they usually resolve themselves after a minute or so of trying. Tonight I’m ten minutes into this exercise, and getting thiiiiiiirsty.
Yes, I removed the cap.
To boldly go where no wig has gone before.
Oct 8, 2005, 7:22 PM
I am unable to provide an answer to your predicament but can’t wait to see the solution provided by Bubba….
Oct 8, 2005, 7:43 PM
The problem isn’t limited to only tequila. Rum and other hard liquor bottles have within the past decade or so implemented those little plastic inserts to prevent refilling the bottle with a lesser label. The only solution I’ve found is to take an ice pick to the bottle.
Oct 8, 2005, 7:47 PM
And I thought it was only me. I always seem to have a slight problem when pouring my nightly medication (rum) into a diet Pepsi.
I usually shake the bottle a little bit and then the medication comes out.
Oct 8, 2005, 8:09 PM
Oct 8, 2005, 8:17 PM
If arbon remembers correctly, some times the insert it is open and some times it is closed, try screwing the cap back on and then unscrew it and try again.
There might be a part of the insert that rotates to make it spill proof.
or try tipping the bottle slowly or faster, you have to surprise it.
Oct 8, 2005, 8:26 PM
Amongst other reasons, now I know why you are one of my heroes.
Oct 8, 2005, 8:33 PM
“Rum and other hard liquor bottles have within the past decade or so implemented those little plastic inserts to prevent refilling the bottle with a lesser label.”
It also stops the baby sitters from adding water to top it up after taking a drink or two.
Oct 8, 2005, 9:04 PM
It’s part and parcel of the idiot packaging that’s so common these days. (You remember the line, “we had to destroy the village in order to save it”? Same idea.) Like the “for your safety” plastic that won’t come off the cough-syrup bottle, or the packaging that puts each pill in its own little impregnible foil and plastic bunker and you have to take sheep shears to it. Or the safety cap where you have to mount 865 pounds of downwards pressure while twisting counter-clockwise.
The only way to handle recalcitrant liquor bottles is to wear an eyepatch, shout “Aargh, take that ye lily-livered swine!” and break off the neck of the bottle. Trust me on this one.
Oct 8, 2005, 9:34 PM
I don’t need any baby sitters, but you know what? If they can get the bottle to pour, not only will I hire them, but I’ll let them water down the booze as well! Watered-down booze is better than no booze at all! Well, kind of (ask me again tomorrow morning, sigh).
I am now working on the very same bottle. I was able to temporarily sate my thirst by attempting to pour from a smaller bottle, which took some time to do as well, but which at least provided some fruit.
This thing will simply not pour. I’ve tried doing it slowly, and then quickly. I’m doing all kinds of trigonometic manuvuers here, spinning it on different axes, shaking it, complimenting it, threatening it with violence, promising it that I will from this day forward worship it as my deity; nothing is working.
Tomorrow it’s Walmart and I’m getting a bandsaw.
Oct 8, 2005, 9:37 PM
Weren’t we shipmates on the Dana Maersk from Singapore to Bangkok in spring 1969? Bear
Oct 9, 2005, 6:28 AM
… in order to coax the goodness
Hey, man, dat plastic thing may be de gods trying to tell ya booze is bad for ya. I quit de demon rum years ago, and do I feel much betta. And I smell betta too. Smoke weed or sumthing.
Is dat really a wig you got dere in da photo? It weirds me out!
From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, “The Village of the Darned.
Oct 9, 2005, 7:58 AM
Two tools are needed to fix the problem. A light hammer and an ice pick. Place the tip of the ice pick at the center of the insert, if there is an indentation there, and tap gently with the hammer, until one of two things happens; either a hole is punched, or, the entire insert breaks into 2 or more pieces and can be removed. If there is no indentation at the center of the insert, then, place the tip of the ice pick off center, at one of the 3 or 4 pouring indentations, and tap gently, until a hole is formed or the insert breaks and can be removed, as above. Mexican liquor bottles have had this problem since atleast the 1980s, as that is when I started to use the above method to fix the problem. Try it, and after your 5th or 6th bottle, you will have mastered the technique to perfection.
Oct 9, 2005, 10:57 AM
Oh Boy, here we go again. For Gods Sake, this is routine stuff! All’s needed is specialized, precision tools such as: ½ inch industrial grade carbide drill, ½ inch industrial grade power drill, Large Vise grips and/or 6 inch jaw type, Bench Vise and Hey, Have at It! Guaranteed!!!
Oct 9, 2005, 11:46 AM
The flow restrictor on most booze bottles in Mexico has a higher social purpose. Were it not for this impediment to refilling fancy booze bottles with cheap rotgut, many (and I mean many) bars and restaurants in Mexico would sell you swill in high-end containers.
When these devices malfunction and deny you the liquid you desire, you have three choices:
1) Pull a Jack Lemon from The Days of Wine and Roses and completely destroy your father-in-law’s greenhouse ending up flat on your back in a straght-jacket whimpering after having bitten off the top of your tequila bottle and consumed the contents in one prolonged gulp. You will get a kick out of the subsequent intervention in the padded cell that awaits you after this little episode.
2) Shake the damn bottle with utmost resolve until the restrictor gives in.
3) Look at this as a sign from Yawheh and become a goody-two-shoes born again whatever so you can give up drinking altogether and therefore look down on all the friends and acquaintances you used to hold in high regard who still are weak and continue to drink and now are obviously to be pitied and who, you have noticed, seem to be less and less inclined to have anything whatsoever to do with you.
Glad I could be of assistance.
Oct 9, 2005, 12:24 PM
Because this is Mexican ORIENTED tequila, if you’ll permit:
Number 1, Very, Very Good!
Number 2, Has Possibilities
Number 3, Fare de-middling
But for Quick Fix and due, in part, to its precession qualities, a slam dunk is, Industrial Grade Power Drill! (Note) Safety Goggles Optional!!!
Oct 9, 2005, 1:02 PM
The power drill leaves tiny bits of plastic dust in the liquor…..
Oct 9, 2005, 1:26 PM
Yes, very true, and I’ve also heard that its fine abrasive qualities line the innards thus adding greater extended spark to its medicinal purpose. If you will, kind of a preservative perk… Something akin to ants adding protein to a snack.
Oct 9, 2005, 1:35 PM
One thing you may not be accustomed to is that when you turn the bottle to pour, there is a lag in the time it starts to pour. I know how excited you probably get waiting for that taste of gold but just try and wait a few seconds for the mechanical thingy inside to work. Honestly, give it a try.