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SandJ

Mar 13, 2008, 9:42 AM

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Help with fiction short story

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I am a fiction writer, and a short story of mine has been accepted for publication in a small magazine in the Netherlands.. Unexpectedly, they have sent me the 'final proofs' early, and need my sign off by tomorrow. There are just a few Mexican Spanish phrases, that I need to make sure are 'correct' or at least plausible and make sense. I will copy them below, in the context of the sentences of the story, If anyone can help I will be MOST grateful.

The story is told from a horse's point of view. He has a rider on his back, and is trying to take her to the 'scene' of where a young Mexican girl was once killed by border guards for trying to cross into the US.

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1.
The man had to give his money back. He waved the limping gringo off, watched the camaro melt over the rise, and then he said, -Chingate tu madre, carbon, and spat into the dust.

2.
I swerve in front of the gate, hindlegs following forelegs too late and I stumble, right myself, twist past the piss-hut and the old woman shouts, -¡Vuelve aquí! but I don't.

3.
Then I smell the sagebrush. It's right here under my hooves and so are the girl's bones, crushing easily and I rear up hard, my woman hanging on. -Hey, a man yells and then another. -¡La Migra. Alto!

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Thanks so much!

Ed and Fran

Mar 13, 2008, 11:16 AM

Post #2 of 4 (1793 views)

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Re: [Rolly] Help with fiction short story

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It's cabrón, no? Carbón is charcoal or coal.

esperanza

Mar 13, 2008, 11:22 AM

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Re: [Ed and Fran] Help with fiction short story

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And it's not chingate, it's chinga tu madre, cabrón. If you must use that kind of language. That's about as crude as it gets.

Anyway, my editor always told me not to write about things outside my frame of reference.

http://www.mexicocooks.typepad.com

SandJ

Mar 13, 2008, 12:24 PM

Post #4 of 4 (1787 views)

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Re: [esperanza] Help with fiction short story

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Thank you all SO much!!!

If anyone is concerned over the use of language, I'd be happy to email them the whole story. I don't believe in misuse of 'bad' language, and would only use it to 'show' something about a character that could not be shown otherwise. As for writing things outside a writer's frame of reference, well, that would probably mean most of 'fiction' would be redundant (historical fiction? for example) ! The story is based on real events and personal experience. However no matter what is written, research is paramount, and therefore I'm very happy to have finally some expert support on these phrases - I was in touch with a number of Spanish speakers over several days when I first wrote the story, but all gave conflicting suggestions.

Anyway, much appreciated, thank you.