Hound Dog
Nov 12, 2010, 6:50 AM
Post #1 of 9
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At the INM in Guadalajara seeking "inmigrado" status after ten years of living in Mexico in both Jalisco and Chiapas on FM-3 then FM-2 visas:
PRIMARY SLICE OF LIFE
FUNCTIONARY: We are rejecting your application for inmigrado status for the following reasons:
(1) You state your birthdate was 02/07/1942 when, in fact, it was 07/02/1942.(That would be February 7, 1942. Get it?)
(2) You state your name is "Jane Doe" de "Smith" but your passport indicates your name is "Jane Doe" ep. "Smith. Therefore you are clearly not the same person who has renewed your residency visa for the past ten years.
(3) Our form that you took to the bank to pay our processing fee indicates your name is "Jane Doe" de "Smith" whereas your passport indicates you are "Jane Doe" ep. "Smith". Therefore, clearly the person who paid the $890 Peso processing fee was not you.
(4) The form letter you submitted to us in order to transition from FM-2 status to inmigrado status was precisely as required on our published web site but you failed to modify the letter to indicate that "la" should read "mi" therefore you failed to personalize your request and we must reject the form letter because of this impertenence.
DAWGETTE; I regret my inattention to detail. Please forgive me. In response, please be advised that:
(1) I lived in the United States for some 40 years after migrating from France and became accustomed to the colloquial method of placing the day in front of the month when displaying dates that is customary in that country. Of course,my birthdate is February 7, 1942, not July, 2, 1942. Please excuse my rudeness.
(2) In France, as is indicated on my passport, it is customary for a married woman to dispay her name as it was given her at birth with the modification "ep. (whatever)." meaning "épouse de (whatever)" signifying a marital state. In Spanish, the custom would indicate "esposa de (whatever)" if you get my drift. It was, in fact, INM which made the decision way back in 2001 to change my name from Jane Doe ep. Smith to Jane Doe de Smith and I had no hand in the matter. Call me whatever you want to call me, just call me.
(3) For some ten years you folks at INM have accepted the name on my bank account as it reads with never any objection of any kind. The bank´s computer program limits the number of letters appropriate to a customer name. That name has been used fot ten years to verify my income making me eligible for residency status and to collect annual fees to renew said residency status. Now, when I wish to upgrade that residency status to inmigrado status you suddenly find the name I use on my bank account inadequate. Why, pray tell, would I deposit $890 Pesos into someone else´s account in order to comply with your fee schedule?
(4) I simply copied your on-line form letter precisely. Forgive me for my unfamiliarity with Mexican protocol. I shall endeavor to respect local formal business letter writing customs more astutely in the future.
FUNCTIONARY: Well, we´ll take this under advisement. You will hear from us in five to ten days. You will, of course, owe us another $890 Peso processing fee and then, again, perhaps even another $890 Peso processing fee and perhaps another until you get your act together, beanbrain.
SECOND SLICE OF LIFE
This takes place in an outdoor beach cafe in Cannes, France circa 1975.
WE: We would like sandwiches please. What types of sandwiches have you?
WAITER: We have cheese, ham and salami sandwiches.
WE: We´ll each have a ham sandwich.
WAITER: Sorry, we have no ham.
WE: OK, then, we´ll have a salami sandwich.
WAITER: Sorry, we have no salami.
WE: Well just what do you have?
WAITER: Cheese.
WE. OK, we´ll have two cheese sandwiches and a couple of glases of house red.
WAITER: At your service.
THIRD SLICE OF LIFE
This takes place at the Cancun airport circa 1980:
AIRPORT GUY: Where is your tourist card?
DAWG: I lost it.
GUY: Then you can´t get on the plane.
DAWG: Then how do I get out of here and back to San Francisco?
GUY: Well; there is only one way. You wiil need a tourist card to give to me and get on the plane and leave Mexico.(Keeping in mind we had paid an especially low charter air fare)
DAWG: Well, I don´t have a tourist card so how do I get one?
GUY: You must go to Monterrey to get one.
DAWG: Well, OK. This plane stops in Monterrey on its way to the U.S. so I´ll get on the plane and fly to Monterrey to get a new tourist card.
GUY: Sorry but you cannot get on this plane to Monterrey without a tourist card.
DAWG: I see my plane just took off so all of this is irrelevant but I really and truly want out of Cancun and back to San Francisco so how do we accomplish that? Is it, perhaps, possible to purchase a tourist card here in Cancun so I can leave Mexico?
GUY: Well; why didn´t you ask? Of course; for $1,000 Pesos we would be more than pleased to issue you a new tourist card so you can be on the next flight to San Francisco.
DAWG: Oh, thank you officer. Even though this will cost me several hundred dollars, I am grateful for your largesse.
(This post was edited by Hound Dog on Nov 12, 2010, 8:52 AM)
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