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Hound Dog

Oct 1, 2009, 1:55 PM

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Xcalak

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Those of you wondering what it is like on famed Cayo Ambergris in Belize need not enter the confines of the former British Honduras to discover this place and its outrageously overpriced, tacky new mansions for new rich Americans but can settle upon Xcalak a few kilometers north in Quintana Roo just before one encounters the ancient canal dug by the Mayas ,or at least that is what I am told, as a waterway to the sea from the Bay of Chetumal and were it not for that man-built waterway, Ambergris Key would not be an "island" but an extension of the same peninsula Xcalak resides upon and could not command the absurb prices from decadent foreigners it does today while designated an exquisite island paradise.

Xcalak is a melancholic place as is Ambergris Key to be truthful about it since these ugly beach mansions represent unreachable dreams of paradise held by foreigners whose ideas of paradise run to old Tarzan movies and marimba music and journeys up wilderness estuaries become rivers from which, no one including our intrepid explorer and his faithful porters, all of whom say stuff like, "Ooogah Boogah Bwana", have ever returned from the mythical Valley of Death except, of course, our new hero, Biff Bodine who will bring back treasures including Maybelle Johnson the daughter of the famous physician delivering life-saving medicine to the natives who disappeared years ago who has been missing since being carried away by Prince King Kong seeking a wife to sacrifice to the great Jaguar Prince Occidentale .

Anyway, for those of you who have not been to Xcalak, go soon because the Mexican government is planning to bulldoze that area as well and turn it into a Burger King Big Mac food emporium filled with narcotraficantes and yahoos from Des Moines but when you get there do this:

Drive back to Majuhual via the dirt beach road because that is (or was) a fine, isolated beach road route not to be missed before they destroy it in the name of return on investment.

We thought of moving to Xcalak a few years ago despite the lack of electricity north of the bridge except by noisy private generator but the puntbrain who owned the beachfront property that sort-of appealed to us but personally lived in Michigan, wanted $600,000USD for that ten bedroom bunkhouse on the sea where, within six months you would be running around like Jack Nicholson typing the same thing over and over again only this time it would be, "What possessed me to do this?, Well I don´t know, let´s do it again and again until the tide comes in and then we´ll do it some more until the tide goes out and comes in again because there is nothing else to do since we have run out of tequila and beer and we can´t seem to crank the radio and anyway, the beer truck did not come by today so let´s go diving but I´ve noticed a large number of Man-of-War in the surf and a shark or two and my big toe is just healing from that crab attack and my back is still showing welts from that stingray but we can´t turn on the TV because we ran out of gasoline for the generator and the movie theater in Xcalak closed after three showings of The Three Faces of Eve and who is that knocking on the door anyway? Nobody should be knocking on the door out here! Is it the beer truck?

(This post was edited by Hound Dog on Oct 1, 2009, 4:15 PM)