Mexico Connect
Forums  > General > General Forum
First page Previous page 1 2 Next page Last page  View All


LadySlipper76


Sep 7, 2005, 8:37 AM

Post #1 of 44 (6992 views)

Shortcut

    

Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Hi all.
I will be meeting my boyfriends Mother in Mexico in a couple of months. Are there any customs or anything I should be aware of? I want to make a good first impression. She is a devout catholic, if that changes anything. Not sure how good her English is. My boyfriend was learning it in the US when I met him. So I'm guessing it is either very limited or she doesn't speak it at all.
Also, does meeting a guys parents have any special meaning in Mexico like it does in the US? Just curious.
Thanks in advance.



Marlene


Sep 7, 2005, 9:12 AM

Post #2 of 44 (6974 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
You didn't say if you have been to Mexico before or not. If not, do some reading and research about the culture. If you haven't done so already, read Amy Gray Kirkaldy's articles. http://www.mexconnected.com/...akirkcaldyindex.html

On this first occasion especially, dress and speak conservatively, smile alot, remember the proper greetings when introduced and go hungry, prepared to EAT (lots). Follow the lead of handshakes, (air)kisses on the cheek. I did a lot of observing and listening at first until I got to know my new family. Remember, her son is pretty much the most important person in her life and any woman that comes along, never mind a foreigner, is going to have to measure up! You will be the focus of attention no doubt, as they size you up and get to know you too, and your boyfriend will probably be nervous as well, since his mother's opinion will be important to him (no pressure!).

I noticed a subtle difference between the time when I was introduced into the family, and later on when my husband's sister introduced a foreign boyfriend. My mother-in-law organized a work crew and went all out, had her tiny house painted, new curtains sewed etc. I was teasingly protesting all the activity to impress this guy, so my husband informed me that this was because a man sometimes (?) judges a woman by her mother, and if his sister was to impress her beau then Mama's house had to look spiffier. We still tease him about the house redo he got for his first intro to the family.

Relax and enjoy your visit, most importantly.


(This post was edited by Marlene on Sep 7, 2005, 9:26 AM)


LadySlipper76


Sep 7, 2005, 10:18 AM

Post #3 of 44 (6945 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Marlene] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Thank you so much for the link & info. I have done a lot of reading, mostly the "what is the area like" type. Now I'm moving on to the more cultural research. From the little I have read, it's very interesting & I look forward to learning more.
Sorry I forgot to mention that I've never been to Mexico. Thankfully I will only be meeting his Mother & one sister on this upcoming vacation. He's one of nine kids. There will be many more of these nervous meetings to come. The rest of his family is spread out in the US. Which at least makes planning the trips a little easier.

(This post was edited by LadySlipper76 on Sep 7, 2005, 10:53 AM)


tony


Sep 7, 2005, 1:33 PM

Post #4 of 44 (6897 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Hello,
Marlene advice is right on. Is is generally expected for the mother to NOT get along with the daughter in law.
When my wife (mexicana) tells others my mom is nice to her the response is usually "REALLY?" Yes an introduction
usually means something. Although it is the reverse, I was the first guy introduced to my wifes parents as her boyfriend,
(she was 23!) Wedding bells followed shortly after. Your mileage may vary... Tony

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."


Miguel Palomares


Sep 7, 2005, 1:47 PM

Post #5 of 44 (6892 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |
Ms. Ladyslipper, I am going to give you some fatherly advice. You have never been to Mexico. You refer to this lad as your boyfriend, but I imagine you two are thinking of getting married if you are coming all the way down here to meet Mom.

Mexico is a very, very different world, far more than you realize. I know that he has those sultry Latin looks, and that is nice, and it mightily appeals to you. Plus, he is very, very polite. That is because he is wooing you.

If you get married and move to Mexico (this would apply far less if you live in the U.S.), you will be expected to know and keep your place for the rest of your life. This rarely appeals to modern American women, but this is the stark reality down here. Repeated pregnancies and endless childcare will be your future. Plus, always doing what your husband wants. The man is the boss. He will not clean up, wash dishes, change diapers, none of those things.

Now before some of you other folks say you know contrary situations, I will quickly admit there are exceptions. But they are rare.

What I am saying would be heartily endorsed by my Mexican wife, Mexican sisters-in-law and every Mexican woman I have spoken to about this in the years I have lived here. Plus, it is what I see on a daily basis.

There are exceptions, but do not count on being one if you move to Mexico. It is a man's world, and you will walk behind.
From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/

(This post was edited by Don Palomares on Sep 7, 2005, 3:42 PM)


gpk

Sep 7, 2005, 2:00 PM

Post #6 of 44 (6878 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
From the "mixed" marriages I know, the dividing line is one of education. If the man has a college degree or better, the couple has a more NOB type of marrigae. If the man is not well educated, the lady is in for the life Don P decribes. A single, beautiful gringa friend left San Miguel because she got tired of Mexican men. She said if she married a Mexican, she would be treated like a servant by the man's mother AND sisters, all the other male members of the family would hit on her, and her husband would be blind to it all.

NOTE: This was HER opinion, I have no evidence of any of this.


Miguel Palomares


Sep 7, 2005, 3:48 PM

Post #7 of 44 (6846 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [gpk] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |
Education skews the odds for the woman to a degree, but I have not seen that it changes the situation much for the better. If the woman is a professional, for instance, she often has to work fulltime, and still do all the things above that I mentioned. That is what I see and what I hear. And that indicates to me that being an educated professional woman often makes life even harder.

Being an educated and better-off Mexican man simply expands the philandering opportunities. More pesos to toss around. Color me cynical. I am talking about Mexican-Mexican marriages. Of course, our original poster is a Gringa. I know only one Gringa married to a Mexican, and he is a musician, not a common career. Perhaps the fact that I only know of one Gringa married to a Mexican, but numerous Gringos married to Mexican women says something. What?

Whoops, I know two Gringas married to Mexicans. I believe our Lovely Marlene there in Mazatlan is married to Mexican. She does seem content. Are you content, Marlene?
From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/

(This post was edited by Don Palomares on Sep 7, 2005, 4:59 PM)


Cynthia7

Sep 7, 2005, 4:04 PM

Post #8 of 44 (6840 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
You fellows side stepped the double standard..men having many female friends and not so accepted for the Mexican wives..The richer you are the more "casa Chicas" you can afford. That is a very acceptable situation...Latin lovers like to spread it around.. Also, all children have rights to inheritance in Mexico..Of course, there are many monagamous marriages but it is very accepted for the man to have other "wives". The other wives don't have to put up with a mother in law..and their children have rights of inheritance..


MARIA CUERVA

Sep 7, 2005, 4:16 PM

Post #9 of 44 (6836 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Everything depends on the class level...... The lower the class the warmer the reception. You did not mention your age, another factor.
Meeting his mother is in fact a very casual thing. I'm sure she has met many of his female friends. Is she from a pueblito or a larger city?
American women are generally considered to have no morals- that is still a hold over from another time.


(This post was edited by TATA CUERVA on Sep 7, 2005, 4:21 PM)


gpk

Sep 7, 2005, 4:27 PM

Post #10 of 44 (6832 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Cynthia7] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Even as a gringo, when I signed up for IMSS insurance, the guy asked me the names of my wife and my "concubinas".


Miguel Palomares


Sep 7, 2005, 4:55 PM

Post #11 of 44 (6824 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [TATA CUERVA] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |

Quote
American women are generally considered to have no morals -- that is still a holdover from another time.


Are you sure about that, Tata? In any event, it is nice to see you back and contributing.

From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/


Gringal

Sep 7, 2005, 4:56 PM

Post #12 of 44 (6822 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
I have derived a moral from all this input: Never allow a romance with a Mexican man to deteriorate into marriage!


Miguel Palomares


Sep 7, 2005, 5:01 PM

Post #13 of 44 (6818 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Gringal] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |

Quote
Never allow a romance with a Mexican man to deteriorate into marriage!


My original point, succinctly put.

From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/


MARIA CUERVA

Sep 7, 2005, 5:26 PM

Post #14 of 44 (6808 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
I'm not sure what you take issue with. That American women are loose or that it is a holdover from another time? I was not allowed to go out with a boy without my brothers or at the very least a male cousin. Anotherwards no one was allowed to touch you without marriage in mind. Consequently no amount of education is going to make the casual way that my younger daughter talks about sex okay or comfortable for me. I am frequently horrified by her remarks. She went to school in Mexico as a child but later went to the states-much younger than I did- and has absorbed the very casual custom of American women, that of groping strangers or hooking up. You can not know someone without knowing them for years. Still at this point in Mexico and elsewhere this is becoming common. My uncle in the Huasteca has a daughter recently marrried to an American businessman who was allowed to walk around with a navel baring belly ring. Of course you can hardly stop them. It is the style. AND SHE MADE A GOOD MARRIAGE so they are very happy!!!!


jreboll

Sep 7, 2005, 6:01 PM

Post #15 of 44 (6796 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
I don't write much but when I read your ridiculous statements I simply had to put in my two bits.
With one stroke you have characterized the husband-wife relationship in Mexico. Could you as easily have done that about Americans?
or French, or Italians for that matter?
Generalizations are defenses of a closed mind.


MARIA CUERVA

Sep 7, 2005, 7:25 PM

Post #16 of 44 (6772 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [jreboll] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Ironically my daughter is marrying a young man who epitomizes what the Don called a Mexican male. He is the boss. He will not wash dishes, change diapers, or whatever else the Don said. I can't quite remember. He is Spanish, despises Mexicans-I channel for the baby saying that "in spite of Daddy's ideas he is still a Mojao/ Mojado". Of course we don't say this in front of him. And I cook for him and go to the garden to pick yerba buena for his tea. My daughter with a new baby has to make him his tortillas because otherwise he won't eat store bought tortillas. What's really funny is that in the Huasteca where my family is from, the true test of a good wife is whether or not she is making her husband tortillas over the comal.


Esteban

Sep 7, 2005, 8:35 PM

Post #17 of 44 (6752 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [TATA CUERVA] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
If you have tasted the difference between an excellent tortilla, with the correct ingredients, made over a wood fire on the comal and one you get from the big machines at the local tortillaria, you know why this idea is so important. Besides, how would a guy learn to make them himself?


Miguel Palomares


Sep 8, 2005, 6:08 AM

Post #18 of 44 (6711 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [jreboll] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |
Jreboll opines:

Quote
I don't write much but when I read your ridiculous statements I simply had to put in my two bits.


Join the club, Mr. or Mrs. Jreboll. I often make ridiculous statements and get feedback about them. It is fun. By the way, are you male, female, Mexican, Gringo, Gringa, live in the U.S., Mexico, Romania? Your profile is a blank. It is nice to know with whom one is conversing, no? I also have noticed that full anonymity tends to lead to overly carefree remarks, a major problem in cyberspace.

I would put money on your being a Gringa woman, however. Probably living in the U.S.

I am unclear as to your discomfort. My main point, and I stand by it, is that marriages in Mexico are clear winners for the guys, clear losers for the women. The original poster is a Gringa, and I admit my first-hand observations of Mexican men with Gringa wives are not very numerous. That is because it does not seem to happen often, at least in my part of Mexico. I attribute this to the innate intelligence of our womenfolk.

Regarding Mexican marriages, in general, I feel for the women and wish their relationships, their amor, their lives, todo, were better than it is. And I do not think that is ridiculous, do you?

They ought to read their guys the riot act.


Quote
With one stroke you have characterized the husband-wife relationship in Mexico. Could you as easily have done that about Americans?
or French, or Italians for that matter?


No, I could not.
Well, maybe with Italians because I do not think the situation in Mexico is strictly Mexican. I think it pretty much reflects marital relations in the Latino world in general.
From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/

(This post was edited by Don Palomares on Sep 8, 2005, 8:14 AM)


LadySlipper76


Sep 8, 2005, 6:31 AM

Post #19 of 44 (6702 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Don, thank you for the fatherly advice. I always enjoy reading your posts. Yes my boyfriend and I have discussed a future together. Everything from number of kids to where we would live. Although there are no wedding bells in the near future. The US is where we would live since he has no desire to live in Mexico. Only goes there to visit family. He has lived in the US for a number of years, & has adopted some aspects of the American culture. Has no problem with an independent woman that works & has a life of their own as long as he is included. I see no difficulty in being the wife that stays home with the children. If that is what he wants he will get no argument from me. It is what my mother did, & what I plan to do. As you can see I was not raised with the feminist views on life. Probably a good thing if what you say about Mexican men in general, is true of my boyfriend as well.
If he is extra nice because he is wooing me. All men are like that at the start, Mexican or American. Only time will tell what kind of man he truly is. I suspect my instincts are right & he really is a great guy. I'll keep your words in mind.

In reply to TATA CUERVA
My boyfriend is originally from Morelia, but had been living in Chicago before I met him. Also I am 29 years old & he is 28.


MARIA CUERVA

Sep 8, 2005, 7:57 AM

Post #20 of 44 (6668 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Esteban] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
This is so true! And frijoles over a wood fire are incomparable.
I could perhaps be more tolerant of him if he were more of a man.
More of a breadwinner you see. He is an attorney but these days
they are a dime a dozen. Also sulky and selfcentered.
There is a very good chance that if she took store bought tortillas
out of the bag, put them in a nicely warmed trapo that he wouldn't know the difference. It's worth a try. I'd stick his head in a nicely warmed trapo and shove him out the door! Can't do it though because of her.


Miguel Palomares


Sep 8, 2005, 8:09 AM

Post #21 of 44 (6659 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |
You sound sharp. Buena suerte. Your fellow is lucky.

And if you have children, you absolutely should be at home with them. Till they are 18 and go off to college or trade school.
From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/

(This post was edited by Don Palomares on Sep 8, 2005, 8:18 AM)


Biggles

Sep 8, 2005, 8:14 AM

Post #22 of 44 (6655 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Wow! This has been a really interesting post and it gave me a few chuckles at the same time.

I have to give a big "attaboy" to Don for telling it straight. As he's said, it's a generalization, but that doesn't make it any less true. Just because we gringas don't like it, doesn't change the fact that it's still very much a man's world in Mexico, pc or not. Of course there are going to be exceptions. Even though this thinking goes against the grain, for me, there are still more pluses than negatives to living SOB...as a retired adult.

Cheri


MARIA CUERVA

Sep 8, 2005, 8:21 AM

Post #23 of 44 (6649 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [LadySlipper76] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply
Ladyslipper, be respectful and loving. Help in the kitchen if she'll let you. DO NOT BE STANDOFFISH. Do not be finicky about food. Get to know the women.
They will be either your greatest allies or enemies. You will know which immediately. Be kind. Watch and mimic. Do what FEELS natural rather than go against your instincts. A friend of mine who is very traditional has had a very problematic relationship with her son's girlfriend(they have a child together and live together). The girl comes to the house, does not say hello to her(in her own house), will not eat her food OR help her in the kitchen. It is awkward to say the least. They are both trying but don't seem to know how to breach that great chasm. And actually it is getting better but what a rough beginning! We could only conclude in our discussions about this that the girl had not been taught how to behave. She had not been properly brought up.


One thing though. Chances are he will never know how to be true to you. It really is part of the patrimony. My darling darling uncle(I have /had many of them) when I asked him why he had mistresses said with amazement and humor"soy un hombre". My cousins are the same with or without gringa wives. I wonder about this with my baby grandson as the next generation. He has 5 Grandmothers who adore and spoil him. Every woman who meets him is crazy about him. This sense of his magnificence. Will we as the Latin Grandmothers create another monster. His only hope for another way is ME.
Because I'm such an individual and in the face of Culture millenia old maybe he will be a thinker, a dreamer, an artist, a musician.....
In short, a sensate/sensational being instead of another raggedy assed whiny male in the world. Aren't there enough of them!
My mother didn't want me to marry a Mexican. She herself was married to my father a fabulous Chilean man. So I married a German. Can't say it was better don't know the difference since I never married let alone had a relationship with a Mexican man. But I can say this,STAY AWAY FROM THE FRIGGING GERMANS! Find yourself a sweet charming soft sexy Mexican man.

(This post was edited by TATA CUERVA on Sep 8, 2005, 9:11 AM)


Marlene


Sep 8, 2005, 9:45 AM

Post #24 of 44 (6618 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [Don Palomares] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  | Private Reply

Quote
Whoops, I know two Gringas married to Mexicans. I believe our Lovely Marlene there in Mazatlan is married to Mexican. She does seem content. Are you content, Marlene?


Absolutely, but never a dull moment does my life have. :-) Hubby feels he is not "the traditional Mexican" as he puts it, but as I look around at family and friends, I don't see many all that different from him. I know exceptions are out there as with anything.

I think it is upbringing (that's education, no?), maybe. He was raised by a strong, single, working mother and had to fend for himself at cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. She was different than some of her amigas in that she didn't stand for a philandering husband, hence raised the children alone. Mother-in-law was a woman working in a man's world, and had to surrender her tip money to the shift captain in order for permission to jump into a taxi and run home to check up on her son when he was a teenager! :-)

Things are changing. Women go out with girlfriends to clubs and dinners and Dad's take the kids to school, help with homework and are very involved in the households. My husband's brother works at two jobs, but still helps out in the house and with the babies. His wife would have him in the street in two seconds if he went out with another woman! She works outside the home herself and is quite independent.

My husband's cousin (in her mid 40's) threw her husbands clothes into the front yard and took the car and house keys away from him. This, because he was having a good time at a family renunion and didn't arrive home at the time she expected him. (We could provide his alibi but she wasn't having it!) He had to stay with his parents for nearly a week! Mexican women are feisty and have no problem expressing themselves. One last example of women in a changing Mexico. My sister-in-law, 40, tells me that she probably won't marry her long time (and very generous) foreign boyfriend because he is "too jealous" and constantly "checks-up" on her.

I have come to learn that the priority order of life is different here. First comes family (especially Mother), then friends, then work or school, followed by "stuff" (like renewing insurance, or paying traffic tickets) dead last... This priority scale is an adjustment for a foreigner. Ask any foreign English teacher about his/her classes and the homework or absentee excuses. :-) I could write a book about my learning curve...Yikes!

I hope we haven't frightened the original poster as she seems very sincere in her posts, and instead helped to point out that a little understanding of the culture is important. It does take awhile for an outsider to adjust, but it is worth it in the long haul as far as I am concerned.


(This post was edited by Marlene on Sep 8, 2005, 10:02 AM)


Miguel Palomares


Sep 8, 2005, 10:12 AM

Post #25 of 44 (6599 views)

Shortcut

    

Re: [TATA CUERVA] Michoacan - Meeting Mother

  |

Quote
. . . another raggedy assed whiny male in the world. Aren't there enough of them!


Oh, Tata . . . You need help, I see. I know there are plenty of therapists there in Santa Fe, probably one of the largest contingents in the U.S., it being so trendy and all, getting therapized. So, take a deeeeeep breathe, get the Yellow Pages (or just go down the street) and find one. Perhaps a woman would be best.

Besos . . .


Quote
Find yourself a sweet charming soft sexy Mexican man.


Watch it with that soft business. We men are very touchy about that.

From Tzurumutaro, Michoacan, "The Village of the Darned."
_______________________________________

The nuts and bolts of moving to Mexico:
http://michaeldickson.blogspot.com/
The dark side of living in Mexico:
http://mexicopeeks.blogspot.com/
Scintillating life in a Mexican pueblo:
http://tzurumutaro.blogspot.com/
http://tzurumutaro2.blogspot.com/

(This post was edited by Emiliano Palomares on Sep 8, 2005, 10:36 AM)
First page Previous page 1 2 Next page Last page  View All
 
 
Search for (advanced search) Powered by Gossamer Forum v.1.2.4