Nov 16, 2004, 12:32 PM
Post #22 of 24
DATELINE June 6, 2004: ARSI's libel suit against a reviewer for a prominent East Coast newspaper has been set for trial in June, 2005. Our team of relentless litigators is looking forward to the occasion with great relish. The lawsuit was based on an article that unfairly defamed Rutabagas Festooned, an experimental recipe from ARSI's labs. The article originally appeared in the newspaper's "Food" section on December 21, 2002. The author, a notorious turnipite, sampled the recipe and rudely described it in the following libelous terms:
"This latest abomination from the ARSI cultists is a putrid brew of rutabagas and mushrooms which, when baked, emit a pasty and malodorous brown effluent that compels one to evacuate the kitchen in horror and disgust."
The ARSI lawsuit was filed in Amarillo, Texas, for tactical reasons. The legal theory is founded on Texas' "defamation of agricultural products" law. For the sake of his personal safety, the reviewer shall remain nameless.
The recipe for Rutabagas Festooned was devised by ARSI's culinary labs and was never intended for public distribution. An internal investigation is underway to determine who leaked this experimental recipe to the libelous reviewer. There is widespread concern that the turnipites have infiltrated a "mole" who has access to sensitive documents within ARSI's vast Research & Development facility in Forest Grove.