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Lilmsmaggie


Sep 18, 2014, 3:58 PM

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Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new friends?

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carol-e-wyer/men-and-grumpiness_b_5266944.html


“In studies of peer groups, Laura L. Carstensen, a psychology professor who is the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity in California, observed that people tended to interact with fewer people as they moved toward midlife, but that they grew closer to the friends they already had. As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. This is why so many people meet their lifelong friends in college, she added.”

I’ve suspected for some time that making new friends after reaching a certain age is a challenge if not downright difficult. My own personal experience and an older sibling has borne this out. For me, the death knell was a divorce. I essentially become a pariah - ”persona non grata” The phone calls and invitations to social events stopped. Friends literally disappeared overnight. The people I seem to gravitate to (and vice versa) are generally much younger than I am and this creates its own dilemma. Coworkers and neighbors tends to be Thirty-something or Forty-Something. To borrow a few lyrics from Steely Dan’s “Hey Nineteen:”

No, we got nothing in common;
No, we can’t dance together;
No, we can’t talk at all.

In just a few years after reaching his early to mid-60’s, my brother has become increasingly, irritable, cranky and just no fun. And this is a man that all his life relished making other people laugh or feel good.

My biggest fear is that I will retire, relocate to Mexico, only to find that people my age are: irritable, grumpy, cranky and simply no fun to be around – just like here in the states.

OK - I'm done rambling
Dwain (aka Lilmsmaggie)



La Isla


Sep 18, 2014, 5:42 PM

Post #2 of 17 (6469 views)

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Re: [Lilmsmaggie] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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My biggest fear is that I will retire, relocate to Mexico, only to find that people my age are: irritable, grumpy, cranky and simply no fun to be around – just like here in the states.


What is your age? I'm 69 and don't think I'm especially grumpy and cranky. Heck I've even made some good friends since moving here (here being Mexico City) a few years ago. It all depends on your attitude and where you end up living.


sparks


Sep 18, 2014, 9:25 PM

Post #3 of 17 (6429 views)

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Re: [Lilmsmaggie] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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My biggest fear is that I will retire, relocate to Mexico, only to find that people my age are: irritable, grumpy, cranky and simply no fun to be around – just like here in the states.


Being gringos that moved to Mexico in no way assures you that you have much in common. 90% of the gringos here I have no interest in spending time with. Thank god the Mexicans have normal lives .... like with families and working. It may be a retirement sickness

Sparks Mexico Blog - Sparks Costalegre


CozICan

Sep 18, 2014, 10:50 PM

Post #4 of 17 (6411 views)

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Re: [Lilmsmaggie] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Don't you dare accuse me of being Grumpy in my Old Age and stop bothering me by posting such useless crap on this Forum.......



Of coarse I am just kidding. But, I agree with Sparks about Thank God for our Mexican friends that lead more normal family lives and put everything in perspective for me. Sometimes when I don't think I have enough to get by I take a look at some of the poor Mexican neighbour families that live on much more than I receive in my retirement and they are quite happy with their lives..


(This post was edited by CozICan on Sep 18, 2014, 10:52 PM)


Lilmsmaggie


Sep 19, 2014, 6:33 AM

Post #5 of 17 (6371 views)

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Re: [CozICan] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Of coarse I am just kidding. But, I agree with Sparks about Thank God for our Mexican friends that lead more normal family lives and put everything in perspective for me. Sometimes when I don't think I have enough to get by I take a look at some of the poor Mexican neighbour families that live on much more than I receive in my retirement and they are quite happy with their lives..


Lol ! I'm hoping you and Sparks are correct. Hmm ... Sparks We use to refer to Electrician's Mates as Sparks.


What is your age? I'm 69 and don't think I'm especially grumpy and cranky. Heck I've even made some good friends since moving here (here being Mexico City) a few years ago. It all depends on your attitude and where you end up living.



La Isla,

I'll be 66 come December. I find that when I'm not feeling well, I tend to be irritable and cranky. Like I have allergic rhinitis and it plays havoc with me right about now. I'm a coastal type person and living in California's Central Valley is a drag. Air too dry. I'm from the Midwest (Chicago), Lake Michigan was always a lure; I was stationed in San Diego, Long Beach and lived in Los Angeles and San Francisco.

I joined the NAVY to see the world,
What did I see, I saw the sea.

Spend as much time as I can on the coast; Santa Cruz, Big Sur, Morro Bay, Pt. Reyes, etc. Lake Tahoe is beautiful but its just something about the coastline that draws me.

Haven't reached grumpy yet. Not really the grumpy type. Too laid back and easy going to be grumpy. I like to bike but lately, my biking has been confined to a stationary bike in the gym. Just hoping to stay healthy so I can pursue my terrestrial photography and astrophotography interests. Mexico has a lot of beautiful geographic and archaeological sights. Santa Fe workshops holds annual photographic tours in SMA. I'd like to check it out.
Dwain (aka Lilmsmaggie)


La Isla


Sep 19, 2014, 9:31 AM

Post #6 of 17 (6312 views)

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Re: [Lilmsmaggie] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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What is your age? I'm 69 and don't think I'm especially grumpy and cranky. Heck, I've even made some good friends since moving here (here being Mexico City) a few years ago. It all depends on your attitude and where you end up living.



La Isla,

I'll be 66 come December. I find that when I'm not feeling well, I tend to be irritable and cranky. Like I have allergic rhinitis and it plays havoc with me right about now. I'm a coastal type person and living in California's Central Valley is a drag. Air too dry. I'm from the Midwest (Chicago), Lake Michigan was always a lure; I was stationed in San Diego, Long Beach and lived in Los Angeles and San Francisco.

I joined the NAVY to see the world,
What did I see, I saw the sea.

Spend as much time as I can on the coast; Santa Cruz, Big Sur, Morro Bay, Pt. Reyes, etc. Lake Tahoe is beautiful but its just something about the coastline that draws me.

Haven't reached grumpy yet. Not really the grumpy type. Too laid back and easy going to be grumpy. I like to bike but lately, my biking has been confined to a stationary bike in the gym. Just hoping to stay healthy so I can pursue my terrestrial photography and astrophotography interests. Mexico has a lot of beautiful geographic and archaeological sights. Santa Fe workshops holds annual photographic tours in SMA. I'd like to check it out.


I think that finding a place to live in Mexico that has a climate that will make you feel happy and healthy is key to making a good life for yourself. I love the (usually) dry, warm climate in Mexico City, in spite of the pollution. Like you I am an avid amateur photographer, and Mexico is full of intriguing subjects, including but certainly not limited to archaeological sites and natural wonders. There's also amazing Colonial-era architecture, which in many ways is more interesting to photograph than ancient pre-Hispanic ruins.


ValRomx

Sep 20, 2014, 9:15 AM

Post #7 of 17 (6196 views)

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Re: [Lilmsmaggie] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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A previous poster mentioned the wonderful weather in parts of Mexico; I can attest to that in the Central Highlands.

You'll also find the zocalo or Jardin a wonderful place to connect with people, both Mexican and ex-pat.

Some places with high numbers of ex-pats also have a lot of activities (play reading groups, bridge) and/or NGOs where you can connect.

I find it easier to meet people in Mexico than in the U.S.


gleeruss

Sep 20, 2014, 11:31 AM

Post #8 of 17 (6168 views)

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Re: [La Isla] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Husband and wife at marriage counselor.

Marriage counselor to wife: Do you wake up grumpy in the morning?

Wife: No, usually I just let him sleep in.


YucaLandia


Sep 23, 2014, 9:04 AM

Post #9 of 17 (5976 views)

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Re: [La Isla] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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My biggest fear is that I will retire, relocate to Mexico, only to find that people my age are: irritable, grumpy, cranky and simply no fun to be around – just like here in the states.


What is your age? I'm 69 and don't think I'm especially grumpy and cranky. Heck I've even made some good friends since moving here (here being Mexico City) a few years ago. It all depends on your attitude and where you end up living.


La Isla (clearly a woman from her foto) raises some excellent points, compared to Dwaine (a man).

Good research has found that American men are very susceptible to shortening their lifespans by becoming grumpy and isolated. (chicken or egg ?) The research found that the problem becomes especially troublesome for the men as they reach age 65-70. As the at-risk "grumpy" men approach 80, they tended to have lost most of their friends and outside contacts due to a combination of changes in life-circumstances, and due to the men becoming more and more irascible - difficult for others to deal with - creating a self-perpetuating cycle of becoming ever-more isolated - and more stressed. (cortisol is not our friend)

This means that aging men need to actively practice the resilience, ... open-ness, and well-honed relationship skills that women seem to find more naturally. (?)

I observe that successful resilient men who remain vital, intentionally start to actively cultivate new activities, new habits, and new friendships in the key period of age 65-70 (as they approach or start retirement).

It's tempting to think that a Positive Attitude, or humor, or ... are important, but:

Resilience and persistence are the real keys...

steve
-
Read-on MacDuff
E-visit at http://yucalandia.com

(This post was edited by YucaLandia on Sep 23, 2014, 9:09 AM)


Lilmsmaggie


Sep 23, 2014, 10:52 AM

Post #10 of 17 (5944 views)

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Re: [YucaLandia] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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I agree Steve. Women fair far better than men when it comes to sustaining relationships and in particular relationships with each other. Resilience and having a positive attitude are important attributes to have for sure.

Not so sure what you mean by "persistence." Persistence in cultivating and maintaining the above attributes, or persistence in seeking and nurturing new relationships?

For me, as I mentioned, life-changes definitely played a big part and a not too healthy relationship just made matters complicated. Often times I find that with men (and women too), we dance this weird relationship dance. Men tend to be competitive, suspicious and distrustful. I'm sure the "tapes" of past relationships and relational experiences (both men and women) that we play over and over in our heads contribute to this. I find that the anonymity of the Internet seems to exacerbate or promote if you will, the tendency of men to be irascible. Doesn't matter if I'm participating on a photography forum, computer forum, etc., guys seem to be super-sensitive and read all kinds of negative stuff into a conversation thread and take things not meant to be personal, personally and engage in non constructive tit for tat.

I've always enjoyed meeting new people but with some individuals, its not always a two-way street.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I'm 65 going on 66 and not 35 going on 36 (not physically of course). People don't believe me sometimes when they ask me how old I am. Maybe because my teams at work tend to be 20-30 years younger than me. We tend to have more conversations and discussions than coworkers my age.

I'm also thinking that the fear I refer to is actually uncertainty. After all, the decision to live in another country, and assimilating into a different culture is not
without its challenges. Language only being one of them. If I were 35 going on 36, I would probably embrace the whole idea and would be excited as all get out but having a few more notches on my handle, I've probably become more reserved and conservative than I was in the past. I have to admit, I need to work on the patience department. Long lines and commute traffic drive me nuts. Lol

BTW - no e, u or y -- just Dwain, like Twain.


In Reply To
La Isla (clearly a woman from her foto) raises some excellent points, compared to Dwaine (a man).

Good research has found that American men are very susceptible to shortening their lifespans by becoming grumpy and isolated. (chicken or egg ?) The research found that the problem becomes especially troublesome for the men as they reach age 65-70. As the at-risk "grumpy" men approach 80, they tended to have lost most of their friends and outside contacts due to a combination of changes in life-circumstances, and due to the men becoming more and more irascible - difficult for others to deal with - creating a self-perpetuating cycle of becoming ever-more isolated - and more stressed. (cortisol is not our friend)

This means that aging men need to actively practice the resilience, ... open-ness, and well-honed relationship skills that women seem to find more naturally. (?)

I observe that successful resilient men who remain vital, intentionally start to actively cultivate new activities, new habits, and new friendships in the key period of age 65-70 (as they approach or start retirement).

It's tempting to think that a Positive Attitude, or humor, or ... are important, but:

Resilience and persistence are the real keys...

steve

Dwain (aka Lilmsmaggie)


La Isla


Sep 23, 2014, 12:04 PM

Post #11 of 17 (5927 views)

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Re: [YucaLandia] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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My biggest fear is that I will retire, relocate to Mexico, only to find that people my age are: irritable, grumpy, cranky and simply no fun to be around – just like here in the states.


What is your age? I'm 69 and don't think I'm especially grumpy and cranky. Heck I've even made some good friends since moving here (here being Mexico City) a few years ago. It all depends on your attitude and where you end up living.


La Isla (clearly a woman from her foto) raises some excellent points, compared to Dwaine (a man).

Good research has found that American men are very susceptible to shortening their lifespans by becoming grumpy and isolated. (chicken or egg ?) The research found that the problem becomes especially troublesome for the men as they reach age 65-70. As the at-risk "grumpy" men approach 80, they tended to have lost most of their friends and outside contacts due to a combination of changes in life-circumstances, and due to the men becoming more and more irascible - difficult for others to deal with - creating a self-perpetuating cycle of becoming ever-more isolated - and more stressed. (cortisol is not our friend)

This means that aging men need to actively practice the resilience, ... open-ness, and well-honed relationship skills that women seem to find more naturally. (?)

I observe that successful resilient men who remain vital, intentionally start to actively cultivate new activities, new habits, and new friendships in the key period of age 65-70 (as they approach or start retirement).

It's tempting to think that a Positive Attitude, or humor, or ... are important, but:

Resilience and persistence are the real keys...

steve


Yes, Steve, I am indeed a woman! I should mention that before settling permanently in Mexico in 2007, I had spent a lot of time here in the past, both on extended vacations and working. So when I returned for good, I had a few good friends to rely on and help me get settled, including my oldest friend here who is now my landlord.

I'm wondering if the fact that I moved here as a single woman (no husband, no pareja of any kind) has something to do with the fact that I've made the effort to make new friends, both Mexican and expat. One interesting point is that except for one Mexican man I've been in an off-and-on relationship with for almost two years, the Mexican friends I've made are all much younger than me, especially the women. I find I have little in common with most Mexican women around my age.

Does the research you mention have an explanation for why older American men tend to become grumpy and socially-isolated? I wonder if this is true for men of that generation in other countries.


YucaLandia


Sep 23, 2014, 1:38 PM

Post #12 of 17 (5915 views)

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Re: [La Isla] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Fun, fun, fun.

Dwain and La Isla have made some really good good points.

Persistence: After we figure out what it is that we need, and figure out what we want, (like resilience, new activities that meet those needs, etc.) then persistence becomes the key. e.g. If we feel that we really need more social interaction, and we enjoy a good workout, then find a gym that works for you, and start working out at times when there are people to meet. Persistence comes in at that 6'th week - 8th week plateau, when we've made the easy gains and we tend to get bored - and go off to something else, unintentionally stopping the positive activity. Persistence pushes us through the boredom, through the flat-spots, ...

I mention working-out, but it could be doing about anything you enjoy: painting, dance, performing/practicing music, a book club, a hiking club (yeah, that sounds good), ... birding, .... woodworking, ... photography, ... what ever thing that you do without noticing time passing - where you look up 2 hours later and realize how time has flown...

e.g. I think Dwain might be heading for Merida, and a good friend has been birding the past weeks, finding a number of stunning specimens that I had no idea were in Yucatan: see Yucatan Bill 's Facebook page.

======================

La Isla,
Other countries? I'd choose countries where there seem to be old men living a long time: Italy, Greece, Cataluña, ...

The men in both small villages and in big cities have the daily groups, where they informally show up at some unappointed time, and then they stir the air with their fingers, get a little loud,

.... talk about why Messi had a particularly good game (or bad game): In Barcelona, they were arguing (for hours) that Messi heart was not in the European Championship because he was thinking about the upcoming FIFA Copa del Mundo games for his home country Argentina...

I suspect the geezer golfing culture of Scotland and rural England may play similar roles versus the more staid stolid proper culture of (isolated) English, British, Scandanavian, American and Germanic men. ??

So, maybe the Mediterranean men's culture gets them out of the house daily - for some healthy relationship-interactions, ... whether it's Piazza San Marco ... or La Rambla... or the coffee and smoking cafés of Turkey, Morocco, or Egypt... ?

================
On the flip side of the coin, things are changing for women too, especially in Mexico.

I-phones, I-pads, I, I, I, and everything else that teens and young adults obsessively access, text, and become totally self-I-nvolved, have really changed the lives of my Mexican suegra, her friends, and the Tias and bis Tias.

They all expected to have rich social lives like they supported when they were younger - regularly going to the elder women's homes. Today's reality? My Yucatecan daughter who lives in Colorado with her husband and sweet 2 yr-old actually visits her Mexican grandmothers and the Tias more often than any of her young cousins who live less than 2 miles from their elders.

I want it now - and the obsession with youth & beauty - are impacting cultures both NOB and SOB in the places where we live,
steve
-
Read-on MacDuff
E-visit at http://yucalandia.com


YucaLandia


Sep 23, 2014, 2:39 PM

Post #13 of 17 (5900 views)

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Re: [La Isla] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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You mention having younger friends here, with more in common among younger women.

I think it's reasonable to say that Mexico's cultural changes have lagged the USA by about ... 20-25 years?

US Women made serious pushes for equal rights, finally gaining them (on paper) in 1964, translating into more opportunities for women maturing between 1965 - 1980. Those same changes in more opportunities for Mexican women happened in ... 1985 - 1995 ? I am unsure, because our traditional Yucatecan culture (which has so far kept us out of the drug wars) also causes us to lag culturally behind DF by 10 (?) years.

e.g. Two years after DF approved gay marriage, we got married here in Merida, and were treated to a 10 minute sermon by the magistrata on the benefits of traditional heterosexual marriage - detailing benefits to both the couple and to society.

Similarly, a good talented friend who received her Medical degree here in 1978 found the patriarchal machista professional culture here in Yucatan overwhelmingly stifling, and had to get out - ultimately practicing medicine in the the USA. As a laboratory director, I watch my wife fighting with the machistas of her University department (Research Center) in battles that follow many of the same scripts from 1985-1990 in the US scientific community.

Does the 20 yr(?) lag of Mexican culture behind similar changes in the USA explain why you feel/find much more in common with younger Mexican women?

steve
-
Read-on MacDuff
E-visit at http://yucalandia.com

(This post was edited by YucaLandia on Sep 23, 2014, 4:57 PM)


La Isla


Sep 23, 2014, 2:54 PM

Post #14 of 17 (5890 views)

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Re: [YucaLandia] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Quote
Does the 20 yr(?) lag of Mexican culture behind similar changes in the USA explain why you feel/find much more in common with younger Mexican women?


Definitely! I feel like younger Mexican women in their thirties and forties have attitudes somewhat similar to mine in terms of careers, relationships with men and so on, not exactly the same, of course but similar enough that we can develop meaningful friendships. Whenever I've met the mother of a Mexican friend, I've felt we had little in common, even if they were a bit younger than me. Now, we have to keep in mind I'm talking about educated middle-class women with decent jobs living in Mexico City. I have no idea if my experiences would apply to all other parts of the country.


Lilmsmaggie


Sep 25, 2014, 10:52 AM

Post #15 of 17 (5801 views)

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Re: [YucaLandia] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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e.g. I think Dwain might be heading for Merida, and a good friend has been birding the past weeks, finding a number of stunning specimens that I had no idea were in Yucatan: see Yucatan Bill 's Facebook page.

======================


OMG! -- I've been struggling lately with a decision: APS-C or Full-frame (FF)

Don't know about this year but in general, about 45% of the Pacific Flyway's waterfowl winter in the Sacramento Valley, according to the Fish and Wildlife Service, making it the most important wintering home for ducks, geese and swans on the route.

I first gave birds in flight (BIF) a go about a year ago when my nephew (who's retired), got me interested in a "Photographing Birds of the Delta," workshop. Subsequently, we both attended another workshop given by the same instructor later that year in Morrow Bay.

Up until last week, I had 5 camera bodies: 3 film, 1 DSLR, 1 Canon G11. I sold two other DSLR's back in April of this year (Canon 40D and T3i).

Can't make up my mind if I want image quality (IQ) or the perceived reach an APS-C sensor would yield for birds and wildlife. So now I'm trying to decide on ordering the Canon 6D which is a FF body (IQ) or the new Canon 7D Mark II (APS-C) for you know what. The 5D Mark III would be the best of both worlds (IQ, fast frame rate) but more expensive. I'm more the landscape, architectural, low-light, night and street photography kinda dude. Sports/action, but especially birds & wildlife, require special glass (as in 500mm or longer), which means mucho dinero - big bucks. Even with a 7D and a 300mm lens, you're looking at 480mm factoring in the 7D's 1.6X crop factor. no lo suficientemente largo mi amigos. Believe me, I've tried it.

Decisions, decisions. Yul Brynner bobblehead in the background: etcetera, etcetera, etcetera

As for Merida, from what I've seen on my trips, I'd love to try the Yucatan. Not sure if the heat and humidity would love my camera gear or me for that matter.
Dwain (aka Lilmsmaggie)


Gringal

Sep 26, 2014, 9:03 AM

Post #16 of 17 (5741 views)

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Re: [Lilmsmaggie] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Physically, getting older is the pitts since so many physical doors close behind you; no more strenuous outdoor sports, etc.
So, okay, you don't leap out of bed like a twenty something. That's the bad news.

The good news is that unless you've decided to spend your retirement time getting drunk and watching negative news on the telly, you're finally free of the killer commute, the annoying boss (unless you WERE the annoying boss), the petty office rivalries or the strenuous physical work you've done during your working life. You're free to pursue all the stuff you said you wanted to do when you retire.

HAH! Now comes sorting the dream from the reality. Pursuing those dreams takes some enterprise. It means actually joining that group of strangers who share your interests. This can be daunting. You no longer have the safety of a designated position in society: i.e. a job or profession.
You're as naked as a baby. There's just you, sans credentials. Will you be respected? Can you handle just being another guy or gal? If you try to haul out a border promotion, everyone's b.s. meter will start thrumming. Next is the behind the back laughter. Don't go there. If you are honest and haul out your former achievements, that's not going to do much either......that's the past and nobody cares.
Another tope in the road: no matter what your NOB political passions were, leave them behind and shut up! Nothing is more boring to others than hearing about them.

I never got the chance to stay in one place long enough to form rock solid friendships, so becoming an expat was just another move to a different place, plus a language barrier for extra stress flavoring. Maybe that was an advantage. I'm used to going in bare and having to show what use I can be to the group, or whether the things I know how to do will garner some respect.
Yet, this is the key to avoiding grumpiness.
Be busy with what you enjoy, be accepting of the idiosyncrasies of others and get out there in that new world. Join something. Try something you've never done. It doesn't matter if you're good at it. Nobody is passing out grades or promotions any more. One of the most inspirational women I've known was a 76 year old lady who took up painting, having never done it before, and pursued it with passion as though she expected to live forever!
You'll be surprised, and in spite of the aches and pains.......happy.


Lilmsmaggie


Sep 29, 2014, 8:55 AM

Post #17 of 17 (5615 views)

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Re: [Gringal] Have you reached the Grumpy cycle in your life, or Why is it hard to make new frie

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Physically, getting older is the pitts since so many physical doors close behind you; no more strenuous outdoor sports, etc.
So, okay, you don't leap out of bed like a twenty something. That's the bad news.


No wonder I wind up on my butt. I better knock that leaping outta bed stuff off.


In Reply To
...you're finally free of the killer commute, the annoying boss (unless you WERE the annoying boss), the petty office rivalries or the strenuous physical work you've done during your working life. You're free to pursue all the stuff you said you wanted to do when you retire.


Ah yes, work; coworkers; office politics; the commute ... What am I Doing?


In Reply To
HAH! Now comes sorting the dream from the reality.



¡Ay, caramba! OH-Oh! -- Not REALITY!


In Reply To
no matter what your NOB political passions were, leave them behind and shut up! Nothing is more boring to others than hearing about them.


No problems there -- Whew!


In Reply To
I never got the chance to stay in one place long enough to form rock solid friendships, so becoming an expat was just another move to a different place, plus a language barrier for extra stress flavoring. Maybe that was an advantage. I'm used to going in bare and having to show what use I can be to the group, or whether the things I know how to do will garner some respect.
Yet, this is the key to avoiding grumpiness.
Be busy with what you enjoy, be accepting of the idiosyncrasies of others and get out there in that new world. Join something. Try something you've never done. It doesn't matter if you're good at it. Nobody is passing out grades or promotions any more. One of the most inspirational women I've known was a 76 year old lady who took up painting, having never done it before, and pursued it with passion as though she expected to live forever!
You'll be surprised, and in spite of the aches and pains.......happy.


I've met a few amazing 70 somethings myself and wonder where they get all that energy and enthusiasm from: Passion. A passion for life. A passion for living.

It took me years to realize that I was pushing people away. Not deliberately, it was just that as a former vet, I lost a lot of military buddies. I wasn't allowing people in. I didn't want to get too close. Silly I know but you do weird stuff to ward off loss (at least I did).
Dwain (aka Lilmsmaggie)
 
 
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