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FHBOY

Jul 20, 2012, 6:42 AM

Post #1 of 9 (9151 views)

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Newbie Asks About Tone

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I've only recently began coming here to read and post, and what advice I have gotten has been well appreciated, but I've noticed something disturbing. There is a thread here about roofs and workers and the tone is confrontational and hostile. I am used to that on political boards and such, but to see it here is upsetting. Isn't the purpose of a board like this to help each other out, to get and give ideas? I know my comments are from a newbie, but don't we/shouldn't we park our egos at the door when we come here? I mean if this John posts a list and someone doesn't use it, so what?

I use Mexico boards to help me through the resettlement and absorption into our new community. Differences of opinion have there place, granted, but isn't civility also a factor here? Now I haven't gone through the whole board so this was just an isolated incident (I assume).



Gringal

Jul 20, 2012, 7:24 AM

Post #2 of 9 (9129 views)

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Re: [johninajijic] Newbie Asks About Tone

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There are several schools of thought on forum behavior. Suggesting that one needs to get a thicker skin is one often touted by those who like to shout and scream. The other point of view is that we should behave ourselves as we would in the actual presence of others. As in........civilly.

The "best" forum is the one that meets you own needs, whether it's getting advice on banking and real estate or learning about Mexico or being persuaded to adopt a cute dog that says "pwease". There is something for everybody. Most people drop by more than one forum.


(This post was edited by Gringal on Jul 20, 2012, 7:32 AM)


Chapala Payaso

Jul 20, 2012, 8:37 AM

Post #3 of 9 (9102 views)

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Re: [FHBOY] Newbie Asks About Tone

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Communication by internet is fraught with misinterpretation since their is no body language to read and no eye contact. You just have the written words and sometimes the strong words are picked giving a different meaning. So what happens is that instead of being affirmative people become aggressive. When a person's views are challenged it creates stress and fear in the OP and, since they can act anonymously, they react rather than reply. My advice is to realize that you are dealing with an entire spectrum of individuals and so take what you can use and discard the rest. Do not give them permission to anger or upset you.


Gringal

Jul 20, 2012, 9:01 AM

Post #4 of 9 (9095 views)

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Re: [Chapala Payaso] Newbie Asks About Tone

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Good explanation, but in some cases, it would be difficult to misinterpret an insulting post, especially when sprinkled with profanity.
If a stranger walks up to you and throws dirt in your face.....it's also difficult to avoid being upset, hurt or angered by the action.

Unfortunately, some people don't pause before pressing "send" when the sentiments warrant a cool-down first. And then, there's the lack of that needed "breathalizer" interrupt when drinking and posting occur simultaneously.


Chapala Payaso

Jul 20, 2012, 12:35 PM

Post #5 of 9 (9049 views)

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Re: [Gringal] Newbie Asks About Tone

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Anger is a secondary feeling and most folks do not understand that. Feelings are preceeded by thoughts and thoughts by our interpretations of the actions of others. I do not give permission to others to make me upset, therefore I am not.


bronco

Jul 21, 2012, 9:26 PM

Post #6 of 9 (8921 views)

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Re: [Chapala Payaso] Newbie Asks About Tone

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i guess if we want to go back to the roof, we need another thread. just saying.


Gringal

Jul 22, 2012, 9:16 AM

Post #7 of 9 (8872 views)

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Re: [bronco] Newbie Asks About Tone

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"Just saying"..........what???


FHBOY

Jul 22, 2012, 2:40 PM

Post #8 of 9 (8830 views)

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Re: [bronco] Newbie Asks About Tone

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Yes, you are correct, we are not talking roofs and contractors here. Here we are talking about talking.


mkdutch

Aug 16, 2012, 7:24 AM

Post #9 of 9 (8158 views)

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Re: [FHBOY] Newbie Asks About Tone

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Posts on this thread seem related to those on the "what has changed/improved" threads. FHBOY I believe would have loved the attitudes and helpful nature of this Site back in the mid to late '90s. And yes, that is the intent of this site. Very few curmudgeons then. But over time and due to the nature of the Internet's communication limitations (as noted above), confrontation and ill-manners have increased. But just as it has north of the border - witness the current election rhetoric. I've never seen the quantity and intensity of character assassination, misrepresentation of fact (or context), outright lies, and avoidance of discussion of proposed policy and performance (which is what an election should be all about) that's been going on. Perhaps what we're seeing here is a reflection of a general societal change or trend. Not a good one IMO. That said, it's up to each of us as individuals to decide how we want to deal with others - civilly or not. What you sow may result in what you reap.


(This post was edited by mkdutch on Aug 16, 2012, 7:25 AM)
 
 
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