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alex .

Jul 31, 2007, 8:17 AM

Post #1 of 13 (1116 views)

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Padrinos...not again !

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This time the request is to be Padrinos de la Comida, for a wedding party of 120. I think folks ought to maybe calm down abit.
Alex

jerezano

Jul 31, 2007, 8:37 AM

Post #2 of 13 (1102 views)

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Re: [alex .] Padrinos...not again !

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Hello

De ser Padrinos:>>>> This time the request is to be Padrinos de la Comida, for a wedding party of 120. I think folks ought to maybe calm down abit.<<<<

Hey, don't get uptight. Hardly any Mexicans can afford a comida for 120 people. So, you contribute what you can or are willing to contribute. That will be gratefully accepted. The planners then ask other people to contribute as well. I remember years ago paying rental for the reception hall--which was a reasonable contribution of less than $70 us dollars. As you know Mexicans usually ask for the sky and accept what they can get.

Your contribution will entitle you to join in the festivities and eat as much as you can to recoup your contribution.

Enjoy the reception.

Adiós. jerezano.

alex .

Jul 31, 2007, 10:13 AM

Post #3 of 13 (1088 views)

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Re: [jerezano] Padrinos...not again !

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We're talkin' over a thousand dollars US here, not seventy bucks.
Alex

jerezano

Aug 1, 2007, 7:35 AM

Post #4 of 13 (1007 views)

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Re: [alex .] Padrinos...not again !

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Hello Alex,

I guess I didn't make myself clear. When a Mexican friend asks you to do something unreasonable, like $1000 usd for a wedding dinner, one just politely says "no puedo" I can't. Then one offers to contribute $50 usd or whatever seems reasonable depending on the degree of friendship. The friend will then accept the contribution and look elsewhere for his funding and will not at all be upset. This happens to them all the time because not everybody in Mexico (even us "rich" gringos) is rich.

Having lived here for a long time, I find that Mexican friends and others are always asking for unreasonable loans, gifts, or whatever is necessary. What gets to me is when a perfect stranger will ask me for a loan of $500 usd without batting an eyelid.

Alex, I have no idea how long you have lived in MÃ©xico, but get used to the customs. Some are very strange when contrasted to our own.

AdiÃ³s. jerezano.

bournemouth

Aug 1, 2007, 5:10 PM

Post #5 of 13 (954 views)

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Re: [jerezano] Padrinos...not again !

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Jerezano - go to the index and look for articles by Alex Vinson:

http://www.mexconnected.com/...mauthorsindex.html#U

You'll see that he has more first hand knowledge of customs etc. than most of us.

(This post was edited by Rolly on Aug 1, 2007, 6:29 PM)

jerezano

Aug 1, 2007, 8:27 PM

Post #6 of 13 (926 views)

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Re: [bournemouth] Padrinos...not again !

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Hello all,

Bournemouth, thanks for pointing me to Alex's articles here on mexconnect. Very interesting.

Let me apologize to Alex for talking down to him. With his experience and with a Mexican wife he is probably more experienced in Mexican customs than I with only 18 years here in Mexico and with only friends.

Still, you must admit he asked for it. He complained about being asked to fund a wedding dinner for 120 people. With a Mexican family and with all his experience things like that had to have happened to him before. Apparently it just got to be too much. Perhaps he was trying to warn us newbies that such things can happen.

As I pointed out in my original post I have had perfect strangers ask me in all seriousness for loans of $5000 to $10000 pesos. That too can happen.

I didn't mention the constant dinging by friends for contributions to quinceaneras, weddings, baptisms, witness to weddings, funerals, "loans" to buy medications, contributions to buy friends out of dry-out tanks, ailing grandmothers, cancer operations. Anything you can think of which costs money. I even had one friend ask me to buy him out of jail. All because our Mexican friends and family are "not so rich as you are".

One must draw the line somewhere. I have suggested a polite and positive method to draw that line without having that friend go away angry.

Adios. jerezano

muycontento

Aug 1, 2007, 8:51 PM

Post #7 of 13 (917 views)

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Re: [jerezano] Padrinos...not again !

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Are you sure they are friends??

jennifer rose

Aug 1, 2007, 10:15 PM

Post #8 of 13 (899 views)

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Re: [jerezano] Padrinos...not again !

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I, too, have been astounded at the requests for loans and donations, by Mexicans as well as foreigners, and I've put my foot down. A non-negotiable, pleasant but firm "Sorry, I can't do that" will quell the stream of requests. It's amazing how many newcomers are seduced simply by the request for some contribution just because they feel honored that that their maid, who's only been on the job for a single month, has invited them to her grandson's cousin's baptism. "But they were so nice, sending over those tortillas last week," insist the gringo, not realizing that the half-kilo of tortillas was a pretty savvy investment in the likelihood of reaping more in return.

And speaking of foreigners, some of them have been just as bad, asking for loans of luggage (which I happen to consider to be a fairly personal item), "because we got rid of ours before moving here," kitchen equipment "because we got rid of ours before moving here," furniture "because we got rid of ours before moving here," and books "because we got rid of ours before moving here."

Papirex

Aug 1, 2007, 11:44 PM

Post #9 of 13 (893 views)

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Re: [jennifer rose] Padrinos...not again !

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Jennifer, you didn’t mention people that just want to “borrow” a DVD, music disk or tape, to play, or to make a copy. Loan it and you will never see it again. When you ask to have it returned they might tell you that they loaned it to their cousin, but you will get it back. Call them again and they might tell you that the cousin loaned it to his boss, and the bosses’ sister has it now, but you will get it back. It never happens. The only time I ever loaned three good music tapes to a very good American friend in The US, I never saw my tapes again. Lesson learned.

Over twenty years ago my brother-in-law in México City gave me a five record album of guitar music played by Antonio Bribriesca for a Christmas gift. We brought them back to Anchorage with us, I had never played them when I found out that Doris had loaned them to her best Mexican friend up there, she said she really wanted to listen to them.

After a couple of months, I insisted that Doris go over to her friends’ house and get my album back. When she got there she found her friends three-year-old son was playing with one of the records on the floor. That record is so damaged and scratched that it is unplayable, I have never been able to listen to it. They had also lost most of the protective paper sleeves for most of the records.

Doris learned then why I insist that no record, tape, DVD, or CD is ever to be loaned out of our house. She lost a few more CDs that she loaned to “good” friends too. We didn’t buy them all at once of course, but over a twenty or thirty year period, we have accumulated several hundred music CDs. Twenty Bucks here, and twenty Bucks there, and we now have a music library worth several thousand Dollars.

Doris now tells anyone that wants to borrow a CD to copy some of our music to bring a tape or a disk over to our house, and they can copy it here. That has ended the requests to “borrow” any of our tapes, or disks. Loaning anything is a great way to end a friendship.

Rex
"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved" - Victor Hugo

alex .

Aug 2, 2007, 12:49 PM

Post #10 of 13 (838 views)

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Re: [jennifer rose] Padrinos...not again !

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and (off topic) those passing thru thinking that you are an internet cafe.............
Alex

TlxcalaClaudia

Aug 2, 2007, 4:38 PM

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Re: [alex .] Padrinos...not again !

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Alex - Not sure how long you have been in Mexico, but sounds like a LOT LONGER than I have. The whole loan thing does get old. Still, if I need anything, family is there in my case. I won't loan to outside the family anymore. Padrinos, yeah, I'll do it...as Jerezano said, they usually ask high, so give less. I was too nice to my assistant (hired by the school where I taught last year, it wasn't like I found her myself) and loaned money to her. She was SWIFT! A month into working together she hits me up for a loan to pay for a class so she can expand her English certification. Wasted money and she never paid me back. Now, I am skeptical....VERY skeptical because she hit me up for smaller pesos since then (cab fare, lunch money, money for copies she could get me cheap etc...until I started catching on that she was hitting me up for MORE than what these items cost). I never was a braggard, but you can be sure I don't tell ANYONE about anything that makes me look well paid...oh, and always I mention the "ailing" mother-in-law I am helping with expenses, so I am tight on funds. lol

Claudine

alex .

Aug 6, 2007, 8:00 AM

Post #12 of 13 (702 views)

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Re: [TlxcalaClaudia] Padrinos...not again !

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I remember a couple of Novembers ago you had plans of starting a business with the relatives, any stories to share ? 8<)
My favorite was the famous request for money for an operation. Instead, I took the woman to a medical facility to get an ultrasound as a second opinion. Nothing wrong with her: no operation needed. That was five years ago and she's just fine.That 300 pesos, or whatever it was, saved me a ton of money. Oh, that woman is my mother-in-law by the way.
A lady asked me to pay for her sister's dental work, and to buy Levis for her nephew.
Nothing ventured , nothing gained I suppose.
Alex

(This post was edited by alex . on Aug 6, 2007, 8:15 AM)

TlxcalaClaudia

Aug 29, 2007, 9:06 PM

Post #13 of 13 (560 views)

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Re: [alex .] Padrinos...not again !

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Hi Alex, I am not on the boards as much anymore (working too much). Sorry I missed this post.
Glad you drove her...operation indeed!! Some have the luck to have to be related to such folks.

Plans to start a biz are still in the talks, but nothing happened yet as I have been offered many jobs at universities that pay well on top of my online teaching job I maintain. Hubby is taking classes, yes computer ones as planned. When he finishes we will either start a computer related biz or return to USA for my kids to attend school there (education here stinks...if it weren't for that, I'd stay). I doubt we will go with an Internet Cafe though. In our area, they are competitively priced around 8 pesos per hour. I don't know how they do it. I do have some brothers-in law who want us to start a McDonald's for the family to run in one well populated town that we just know a McDonald's will pop up soon if we don't do it first.
I am not keen on the idea though.

Claudine

(This post was edited by TlxcalaClaudia on Aug 29, 2007, 9:09 PM)