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tonynico

Feb 5, 2011, 7:22 PM

Post #1 of 58 (6508 views)

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moving to Mexico

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Funny thing happened to my thought process on moving to Mexico.

It seems as a young man I never gave change a thought I have moved many times with never a worry.

Ten years ago I built my home in Mexico with the dream of moving there. For ten years this is all I have thought of. Well not quite but it was always something I looked forward to.

Now the time grows near and guess what. hesitation,trepidation have crept into my mind.
I guess as an older person change does not come as easy as a younger man
A home I have lived in with my lovely wife for over 30 years we are leaving. We are walking away from a job when others many others are out of work. I have come to realize that these doubts will always be with me. So if it is now or next year or in ten years these concerns will always be there.
That being said if I give in to these thoughts I will never live in our home that we built so many years ago since they will always be there.
When we built our home never in our wildest dreams did I ever think I would have these thoughts.
I guess with age comes the safety and security in staying what you are comfortable with.
Sure there is an economical element to my reservations but it goes further.
I am sure when we make the move the doubts will fade.

I am just curious has anyone else felt this way prior to the move?

Tony



Mexberry

Feb 5, 2011, 8:30 PM

Post #2 of 58 (6466 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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My wife and I have lived in Europe, Africa, Canada and now Mexico. There is always a sadness in leaving friends and familiar places , but also keep in mind you will soon make new friends and have faith in basic human kindness that exists despite language and cultural differences. Whats more if you don't move then you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Welcome to Mexico!
Mexberry.


cookj5

Feb 5, 2011, 8:48 PM

Post #3 of 58 (6458 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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In Reply To
Funny thing happened to my thought process on moving to Mexico.

It seems as a young man I never gave change a thought I have moved many times with never a worry.

Ten years ago I built my home in Mexico with the dream of moving there. For ten years this is all I have thought of. Well not quite but it was always something I looked forward to.

Now the time grows near and guess what. hesitation,trepidation have crept into my mind.
I guess as an older person change does not come as easy as a younger man
A home I have lived in with my lovely wife for over 30 years we are leaving. We are walking away from a job when others many others are out of work. I have come to realize that these doubts will always be with me. So if it is now or next year or in ten years these concerns will always be there.
That being said if I give in to these thoughts I will never live in our home that we built so many years ago since they will always be there.
When we built our home never in our wildest dreams did I ever think I would have these thoughts.
I guess with age comes the safety and security in staying what you are comfortable with.
Sure there is an economical element to my reservations but it goes further.
I am sure when we make the move the doubts will fade.

I am just curious has anyone else felt this way prior to the move?

Tony


Tony, It is probably a good time for you to really sit down with your wife and review just exactly why you are making this move. It may be that the reasons you had for originally planning it are no longer valid. You may be coasting along on the basis of inertia (something set in motion tends to remain in motion...).

I believe that to be successful in such a move, it is vital to have strong, positive reasons. For example, some people (not necessarily you) move here because they feel they can't afford the north-of-the-border economics and are looking for a cheaper place to retire. I don't believe that will be enough to live here happily. Some of the people I know for whom that was the primary motivation are struggling and not very happy with their lives here.

Those that I know who seem most happy with the move did it because they were seeking an adventure. They wanted to experience a different culture, travel, see new things, and stretch themselves. They were open to change, and in fact eagerly seeking it. If this sounds like you, then you should probably put aside your doubts and come on down. If it doesn't, then perhaps you should re-think your plans and see what would really make you happy at this point in your life.

And for that matter, are you really on the same page as your wife with all this? That's a huge issue. Many couples I know who have returned north did it because one or the other just didn't care for Mexico.

There's an old saying: "No matter where you go, there you are.."


tonynico

Feb 5, 2011, 9:00 PM

Post #4 of 58 (6452 views)

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Re: [cookj5] moving to Mexico

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Thank you both for the reply
My wife loves Mexico hates the cold. I think we both got comfortable in the security of the known.
As of now we have more then enough to live but the fear of what inflation can do and the fact that a person can out live there money comes into play as well. Even though we are far from poor we are not mega rich, we are not making the move because it is cheaper. If it is cheaper it is not by much considering we are in a tourist area.
I think the majority of people do not like change. When ever a new business comes into a community like a walmart a cinema the community is always against it then they come around with time.
I as a younger man hitched hiked all over the U.S and down into Mexico mostly alone never gave it a thought. Traveled most of the U.S. by bike as well later in life. My wife and I have talked and talked it seems we love our home love the culture but can't get past the doubts.
Like I said it is most likely a thing that will pass once we make the move.

Tony


(This post was edited by tonynico on Feb 5, 2011, 9:03 PM)


La Isla


Feb 5, 2011, 9:04 PM

Post #5 of 58 (6450 views)

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Re: [cookj5] moving to Mexico

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I would add to cookj5's thoughtful post this question for you: Up to now, how much time have you spent really living in Mexico? Have you been here for more than relatively brief vacations? Even a stay of a month or two can't really give you an accurate idea of what living here is like.


tashby


Feb 5, 2011, 9:18 PM

Post #6 of 58 (6446 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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What part about the move, and its "rightness", are you currently doubting?


tonynico

Feb 5, 2011, 9:19 PM

Post #7 of 58 (6446 views)

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Re: [La Isla] moving to Mexico

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We have stayed a month a a time here and there. It is not so much not knowing if I would like Mexico It is more closing a door on jobs and friends back home. I guess life here is like a comfortable pair of shoe. When you get a new one you got to break it in.
Like I said for me I guess this is like thinking out loud and taking in feed back.

I don't think I will post anymore on this subject because I guess i expressed all my inner thoughts on the topic, any more will just be repetitive

I do appreciate your thougthts

Tony


La Isla


Feb 5, 2011, 9:33 PM

Post #8 of 58 (6441 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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You're welcome. When I finally moved to Mexico for what I call my semi-retirement, I had already spent lots of time in Mexico over the years, including a two-and-a-half-year stay when I had a good teaching job near Mexico City. Thus, I had a really good idea of what living here would be like, besides having friends and a professional network to help me settle in. It will be quite different for you and your wife, of course. In the end, all you can do is trust your instincts and jump!


morgaine7


Feb 5, 2011, 10:07 PM

Post #9 of 58 (6430 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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I'd already been an expat for 28 years and was fine about coming to Mexico, but I retired and moved with what I knew would be barely enough to get by financially. Then the economy tanked. Had my retirement been scheduled even a few months later, I'd have been too scared to go through with it, but I was already here and there was no going back. Now I'm really, really glad the timing worked out as it did, because I love it here and love being retired.

Kate


bfwpdx

Feb 6, 2011, 4:23 AM

Post #10 of 58 (6412 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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Tony, you are describing the feelings of many snowbirds. We love our homes, our friends, our attachments but for many personal reasons, we also love spending our winters in a warmer climate. We built a home in Mexico on land we bought 10 years ago and we spend our winters on it. We have, at times, discussed living in Mexico full time, but we have been reluctant partially for reasons you state. We feel the same way you do about our "home" NOB. If you can afford it, and you don't want to choose between your two homes, then don't. Find your own comfortable balance. Follow your own heart.


turnabout

Feb 6, 2011, 5:53 AM

Post #11 of 58 (6399 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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It is called "Fear of the Unknown". Nothing new, its been around thousands of years. "Fear of the Unknown" is very much the same as "Fear of the Dentist". It is never as scary as you imagined it might be. Never fear, jump in with both feet, it will be a ride you will never forget.


johnv

Feb 6, 2011, 8:28 AM

Post #12 of 58 (6357 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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Another thing to consider is that Mexico is not the same place that it was 10 years ago. And it is especially not the same place it was 25 or more years ago. In my opinion the country is declining rapidly in almost every way. Even though I have lived here for 9 years, lived here previously in another decade for 4 years, and first visited Mexico in 1972 on a 5 month road trip, I seriously doubt that I would move here today in 2011. Furthermore, after being here the past 9 years, I would have to say that my opinion of the Mexican people has declined about 50% from any previous notions I had about them. However, for now, I am staying, as it is too much hassle to get out. I know that the above opinion is not going to be popular on this forum, but I am one to be rather blunt with the truth.


Rolly


Feb 6, 2011, 8:45 AM

Post #13 of 58 (6351 views)

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Re: [John] moving to Mexico

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I have a very different view than John. I agree that México has changed greatly in the past 20 years since I first straited visiting here and in the 11 years I have lived here. The biggest positive changes I have seen are in banking, telephones, supermarkets, highways and increased press freedom. The negative side is, of course, the drug wars.

For me, México is a much better place than it was 20 years ago.
Even with the drug wars, I don't have even a tingling of regret about moving here.

Rolly Pirate


Gringal

Feb 6, 2011, 10:15 AM

Post #14 of 58 (6317 views)

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Re: [Rolly] moving to Mexico

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I agree with you, Rolly, but maybe that's because I didn't have unrealistic expectations about what I'd encounter here. The people? They are like people everywhere, except with better manners in most cases.
Probably the same amount of larceny in the heart as anywhere else. I rather like having decent roads to travel. The cobblestones, I could live without.........but hey, that's minor.

Now, the OP's fear of the the change and the unknown.....I can relate to, having moved here around seven years ago with NO prior experience of Mexico except border towns. Scary as hell and even more so as you grow older. But: here is a tale that might be heartening:

Some years ago, my husband and I were living in a lovely beach town in Southern CA, where the weather is great year around; the flowers bloom by the cliffs, and aside of the madness of traffic and tourists, it's a very pleasant place to live. One of my husband's clients came for a week from Cincinnati in the dead of winter and said that the home folks would simply not believe what he was seeing. Oh, how he wanted to relocate here, and there was a job opportunity if he did. However, he went on back to Cincinnati and wrote that.........well, his friends were there, so he wasn't going to move. Years later, he's still freezing his assets and maybe sometimes, just sometimes, wishing he'd moved West.

In other words........I think the OP should go for it. If it doesn't work out.......the roads go north as well as south.


lamur

Feb 6, 2011, 3:26 PM

Post #15 of 58 (6246 views)

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Re: [Gringal] moving to Mexico

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One of the things I always loved about Mexico was how safe I always felt. We would walk down streets in Ajijic late at night when we could barely see the sidewalk...and NEVER felt the least bit of fear. Seeing whole families out and about having fun late at night was a treat. Things change and you have to reevaluate. Maybe it will still work...maybe not.


Tab


Feb 7, 2011, 10:17 AM

Post #16 of 58 (6123 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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My experience started out a lot like yours Tony. I am not one to usually pour my heart out on a forum, but your post rang to me because it sounds just like what happened to us so I thought I'd share. However, we are younger than a lot of the expats in our community (late 30's and early 40's), so our journey may be a bit different. We had a five year plan to move to Mexico. We owned a home in Mazatlan for 3 years prior to moving down. We loved Mazatlan and thought we wanted a simpler life. The weather, the ocean, the laid back lifestyle all seemed great every time we came down, which was always for one or two weeks at a time. So our five years hit last year and we decided to follow through and live out our dream. We planned on taking a bit of a sabbatical to give us time to learn the language, the culture and just enjoy our surroundings a bit before deciding on our next business venture in Mexico, as we are still in our prime working years. Our house sold fast at home and we had 3 months before we were making the move. And then the drug wars excalated in March and I will tell you I got very scared. We both did. The drive down made us nervous and I was afraid of the future. Then a lot of other doubts started entering our heads and we feared we had made the wrong decision. But it seemed too late. We sold our house, our furniture was all being sold off and we were in the process of closing down our business as well. However, I was always of the mindset that we had to allow ourselves a year. If after that we don't like it, we can always move back home. Life is all about the ride, and I personally feel that if you don't get out and enjoy the ride and stretch yourself out of your comfort zone then you never really know what it is that you're looking for.

So now it has been 8 months. We made the decision about a month ago that we were going to move back home to Canada at the end of our year. What I found started to happen to us personally was we were no longer able to focus only on the beauty of our surroundings. We look at the beautiful ocean every day from our condo, but then we look down at the street and can't help but see all the flaws. And they started sticking out everywhere as we walked around or drove around the city. The lack of beauty at the store fronts, the smells, the garbage, the rundown buildings everywhere, dirt instead of grass, the vehicles blowing black smoke, the difficulty in buying so many things here, and the lack of order we are used to in general. But no matter how hard we tried not to look at those things, we found they were starting to get to us. I always saw these things before, but looked at it in a different way. I would always say, that we are too picky NOB, we spend too much money on beautiful bus stops, government buildings, sidewalks, elaborate airports, etc. But I have learned now that I liked those things, those comfort creatures of home. I see my home town in Canada on the news or in a movie and it brings so much emotion to me that I realize now where I want to be. And we really miss our work. I find it difficult having too much time on our hands now, I have analyzed myself to death already! With the economy as it is down here, it doesn't seem a wise time to open a business for us, but on top of that we realized that we don't in fact want to run a business here anymore.

So I would say that the advice on not moving down lock stock and barrel all at once, may be good advice. However, I don't know that it will make your experience the same. Maybe just knowing that you can go home anytime won't force you to give it the full chance that you would otherwise if you just go for it. Hard to say.

All I can say is that at first when we moved here we were really excited. Not long after that we were sad, depressed and regretfull. Now we are enjoying our last few months and preparing for home - a place we now look at in a whole other light. As great as the weather is here, oddly we are finding ourselves spending alot of time inside our home. Probably just a habit from NOB. So we have learned that the weather was in fact not on the top of our list for life enjoyment. We do miss our friends and the comforts we know as home, as difficult as it will be to hear all the "I told you so" from friends and family. We no longer regret our original decision to move here, rather we are happy we gave it a try. The regret of not giving it a try would have haunted us forever.


rvcycleguy

Feb 7, 2011, 12:42 PM

Post #17 of 58 (6095 views)

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Re: [Tab] moving to Mexico

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I understand your post from many levels. That being said, it appears to me that you never really emotionally committed to the move. You will find the things that became unpleasant to you in most countries in the world. Also, you did not mention, so, it sounded like you did not meet any new friends? You may have been better served to get acquainted with your new community as a resident than someone that is on a long vacation.

I'm not sure why you went to Mexico to run a business there. Its very difficult given the economic and societal issues that the mexicans are up against daily with safety, employment, education, healthcare, etc. The majority of indivduals and couples that move south are there for the sheer enjoyment of the time that they have left in life. That can be 20-30-40-50 years depending when you make that choice. The slower place of life, the beauty of the surroundings, the friendly hospitality of their neighbors and being involved or active in the community to the level they feel comfortable with!!!


(This post was edited by rvcycleguy on Feb 7, 2011, 12:45 PM)


mazbook1


Feb 7, 2011, 2:37 PM

Post #18 of 58 (6053 views)

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Re: [rvcycleguy] moving to Mexico

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And maybe, just maybe, the OP needs an attitude adjustment. Rolly's website and/or book makes the MOVE easy, but for the attitude adjustment you need to read Magic Made in Mexico: Live Your Dream…in Mexico by Joanna van der Gracht de Rosado from Mérida. It pulls no punches, but has the best A to Z guide on just how to make that attitude adjustment to Mexico ever written.


tashby


Feb 7, 2011, 2:52 PM

Post #19 of 58 (6041 views)

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Re: [Tab] moving to Mexico

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What a spectacularly honest post!

I see people every day who appear to genuinely dislike living in Mexico......but stay anyway. They are miserable. (Truly though, some of them would probably be miserable anywhere.) I feel like printing out your posting and handing it to them.

Good for you for recognizing your preferences and being honest about it with yourselves. There's nothing wrong with changing course. You should feel good about having given it a shot, and as you said, you would have regretted not knowing if you hadn't. You'll also be returning home with a new and fresh sense of appreciation, and that's a great thing.

For us, moving to Mexico (just three years ago) was the best decision we've ever made. But that's just us. Sorry it didn't work out for you, but as they say, "it isn't for everyone". There's no shame in that....to each his own!


Tab


Feb 7, 2011, 3:39 PM

Post #20 of 58 (6015 views)

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Re: [tashby] moving to Mexico

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Thanks Tashby, I appreciate that. I was very hesitant in writing that post. This time has allowed us so much soul searching and I feel more sure of where I am heading now than I ever have before. To the OP I will just say this one last thing; please keep open and honest with your spouse on the entire journey, it will make it much easier no matter which direction you end up taking. My husband and I feel very fortunate to be on the same page, but we definitely had to lean on each other a lot along the way.


chinagringo


Feb 7, 2011, 3:55 PM

Post #21 of 58 (6011 views)

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Re: [Tab] moving to Mexico

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Your original post was probably one of the most honest I have ever read about living anywhere! Let's face it, there is no one place that is ideal for everyone. Having lived all over the world, I happen to be a firm believer that where you live is what you make of it. That said, there are always some places that one cannot make it what it needs to be, be it for their personal piece of mind or personal enjoyment. I can think of three places where I lived that could not be made to qualify - Bombay, India, Minneapolis, MN and eastern WA. I can think of many others that I have visited which also would never qualify. You seemly gave it a shot and seem to be smart enough to recognize that it wasn't your "cup of tea".
Regards,
Neil
Albuquerque, NM



sandykayak


Feb 9, 2011, 3:17 PM

Post #22 of 58 (5619 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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Tony, thanks very much for this honest posting. A few minutes ago, I posted something very similar to the "girls" on another forum. I too, bought a house in Mexico (Lake Chapala area) in 04) and am going thru a lot of agony viz still working/downsizing/selling US house.

My plan was always to be a sunbird for a few years and later on (when it became tedious or health issues arose) decide. I am concerned about the narco-violence situation since I need to drive down (dogs and wanting my car with me). I will hire a driver.

I have the same concerns about leaving what is known and familiar and secure in Miami, but I can't afford to maintain the house if I don't work...and I'll be 65 in June. Don't want to work until some illness or situation makes in impossible to travel. I have many friends in "chapala" and know that I need to live there at least to try it out. I will leave stuff in storage and fully realize that I would probably return to the US. I paid private mex health insurance for 3 years, but had to cancel for financial reasons and why pay if I"m not even living there, so that will be an important factor down the road.

I agree with the poster who said, "the roads run north as well." If you don't try it out, you won't know whether you like it or not.
Sandy Kramer
Miami, Fla & El Parque


sweetheart

Feb 12, 2011, 11:14 AM

Post #23 of 58 (5424 views)

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Re: [sandykayak] moving to Mexico

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Tony,
I think you are very wise to be considering these emotional concerns. Home is where your heart is. I hope that you do give living here a whirl, but with the safety net of home NOB still intact. As others have already stated that you don't want to regret not having tried. Especially with all of the work and planning you've put into your home here. I've returned to see homes we previously lived in and had a flood of fond memories & emotions come over me. Now we are building new fond memories here. Looking back is great when you're old and smacking your gums, reflecting on the great things you've accomplished and leaned but there are seasons for everything and we must look forward to the adventure that lies ahead! Otherwise we stop living.

We are also a young family, my husband and I in our early 40's, full of adventure when we crossed the Mexican border in 2004 and not educated about Mexico. For the first 4 years of our experience here we lived in the popular area of Guadalajara. Actually, 2 years was overlapped living part time in San Antonio, Tlayacapan. Although I wanted to be here with all of my heart, my emotions or comfort had such a difficult time with all of the things mentioned by Tab already. It wasn't until we built our own home in a quiet subdivision of Chapala that everything changed for me emotionally. Not until the first morning in our new home did the calm, tranquility, beauty, freshness, peace come over my heart. We are soon approaching our first anniversary in our new home and I can say with all of my heart that I love living here. It really does bring tears to my eyes. I have windows on all 4 sides of my home that does not share a common wall with a neighbor. We have a private secured lot w/a marvelous view of God's blessed creation.

In January, after the first burning road block episode occurred in Guadalajara followed shortly by a 2nd episode, we made some changes in our evening travels but life goes on. These events were unnerving to me for a couple of weeks. I have come to accept and realize that narco war is happening around us, but thank God we are not involved in any of that and have nothing to fear but fear itself. We chose not to live in fear. Me, being the wife & mother, has always been and will be the most cautious in our family. I can laugh at it now, that in 2004 I made us stop driving at nightfall while driving down for the first time because I had read somewhere that it was wise not to. Later we made trips back and forth to the border, sometimes driving all night. I wouldn't do that now but what I'm saying is that I've always yielded to the side of overly cautious.

To Tab I wanted to say, that although you appear to be anxious to move back home, completely acceptable, I just can't help but wonder if you had given yourself a little more time to push through the culture shock and perhaps had opportunity to move where you didn't have to see the garbage or graffiti, would you have stayed & been happy here? From our experience, comfort has really been about location, location, location. I've met people not comfortable living in the mountains where there are so many tall trees. They're not comfortable because they can't see for miles the way they can at home on the golden plains.

I miss my family NOB most but lines of communication have greatly improved since 2004. In fact, there is more communication now than all of our days before moving to Mexico. I love that! Plus we have the benefits of our wonderful new family we developed in Mexico over the years.

It takes time to adjust but like I said earlier in my post, "home is where the heart is." I don't think it was a coincidence that there was a stone placed & set inside of our walls that resembles a heart.


(This post was edited by sweetheart on Feb 12, 2011, 11:36 AM)


tacito

Feb 12, 2011, 4:26 PM

Post #24 of 58 (5329 views)

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Re: [tonynico] moving to Mexico

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Tonyico,
I appreciated your thoughtful concerns about moving to Mexico. I, too, dreamed of moving to Mexico from my first visits in the late 1960s, but work, marriage and all those American ties held me until I finally I realized I was free to move; and four years ago I did.

These are the surprises: Mexico is much more globalized now. It is no longer quaint, provincial, and remote. You have to look for the Mexico you remember. But you can find it; and the vast landscapes are still the same. The colonial towns you loved may be colonial centers now with modern cities grown up around them. Girls, instead of promanading in the opposite direction from the boys, come to the town square in red sweaters, earrings on their own ATVs (my town). The world changes out from under us, doesnt it? We can't change that.

And the Americans in the retirement enclaves are not cut from the same cloth. They are just Americans who have moved South with different reasons for coming bringing their different attitudes with them. But it doesn't matter, because it is the Mexicans who make life fun. They make us relaxed. They are happier as a people than Americans are. I look back at our fractured sociey, and I do not miss it. And the patina of courtesy in Mexican society surprised me: They thank the bus driver; they thank the garbage collector. Americans think efficency is more important than courtesy. There are other ways to live.

It IS more economical to live in Mexico. When I go back to Texas to shop, I do not appreciate paying $6.00 for a hamburger, or having to buy a ball point pen from 70 choices. There may be only 2 or 3 choices in Mexico, or sometimes just 1, but there is everything you need for life here.

There is one thing that I do miss: I call it the "white noise" of democracy: rampant freedom of speech. Mexicans don't complain much. But I am getting calmer. And maybe we can share some of our best American values with them.

So. There are adventures ahead of you and a peaceful, beautiful life.
Join us.

Tacito


mazbook1


Feb 12, 2011, 4:40 PM

Post #25 of 58 (5323 views)

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Re: [tacito] moving to Mexico

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HOORAY!!! Finally a sensible attitude about moving to/living in/adapting to México for all the RIGHT reasons. Those who just cannot adopt tacito's mindset, shouldn't move to México. Those who can (or even think they can) should. Most importantly, no one (even with the right mindset to begin with) should burn their bridges (particularly economic ones!), so that after a year or two or three, they will still have the option of moving back NOB without the rancor that many who have done so have.

No matter where in México you might lite 'n set, the Mexican culture is VERY, VERY different than that NOB, and some folks just can never become comfortable with it.


(This post was edited by mazbook1 on Feb 12, 2011, 4:42 PM)
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