Ask an old gringo: grafitti, chili peppers, pickup trucks and women
An alternative weekly newspaper in California (anything goes) features a politically incorrect column called "Ask a Mexican." Most questions are spicy. Gustavo Arellano's answers romp all over the lot.
With proper apologies in advance, this month only you can ask an old gringo all questions you have previously been reluctant to ask.
Incidentally, Gustavo says "gringo" is the wrong word, that Mexicans do not call gringos gringos. He says only gringos call gringos gringos. He says the Mexican slang word for gringos is gabachos. Take that for what it's worth.
Question: What's with Mexicans and graffiti?
Answer: Graffiti, an eastern art form that blossomed in New York, Jersey City and Philadelphia low-rent districts, then jumped to Los Angeles, has found a new happy home in Mexico. It has been refined in upper-level classes in San Miguel de Allende and Ajijic. Small framed samples are very expensive in exclusive boutiques. Larger, public displays are free.
Question: Are Mexicans colorblind? How do you explain houses painted tangerine, strawberry, purple grape and lime? Surely they don't do that on purpose.
Answer: I refuse to generalize and say all Mexicans are anything. Our friends and acquaintances are passionate people who work hard, play loud music and splash bright colors all around the neighborhood. My part Mexican-part Greek interpreter says hot pink may not have been a first choice. It may have been on sale.
Question: Why do so many Mexicans ride to town in the back of pickup trucks?
Answer: Because two bicycles and a burro won't haul the crowd.
Question: I was shocked the first time I saw a Mexican motorist urinating beside the road. Is there a national shortage of toilets?
Answer: Oh my, this is a touchy subject. Pemex stations aren't always where you need one and there aren't many rural bathrooms with open-door policies. Most charge two pesos, some five. Woman complain about the price and the absence of toilet paper. Men look both directions and unzip their pants in semi-public places. They are not exhibitionists. They do not intend to offend. They sometimes jump if your honk your horn and wave.
Question: What is the purpose of Cinco de Mayo?
Answer: It is a mostly American holiday designed so Americans can wear sombreros and sing along with "La Cucaracha" for one day. The subplot is to push Corona ahead of Budweiser and Coors. Most Mexicans I know don't bother with Cinco. It celebrates almost nothing, a long-ago day in Pueblo when Mexican troops fought off the French. No big deal. The French soon returned and put a serious hurt on the home team.
Question: Are most Mexicans really dedicated to illegal immigration, no matter the price?
Answer: Those who receive gifts, grants and monthly donations from relatives working north of the border think that part is a very good idea. Mothers and wives understand the risks and worry about the health and welfare of sons and husbands.
It is a cruel dilemma. The U.S. economy is so much stronger. Mexicans know they can triple their income by breaking just a few little laws. Those who hire illegals know they can increase profits by breaking just a few little laws. You didn't ask, but a few hundred million for a high wall and military troops will make crossing some tougher.
Question: We got stuck in a line of cars behind a brick truck and it took forever to pass. Why do Mexicans drive so slowly?
Answer: Ask an old gringo is serious stuff. You are joking? You can accuse Mexicans of cheating on their spouses or not using enough deodorant but to say they drive too slowly is totally unfair. Mexicans zip and dart past each other, even when they aren't in a hurry. They have little or no regard for speed limits and not much concern for no-passing zones. Those are two reasons why so many little white crosses are along highways and byways. Another reason comes from bottles.
Question: How do you explain Mexico's affinity for hot sauces?
Answer: I, too, have been stunned to see people spooning on salsa that was blowing smoke and threatening to melt the bowl -- and then topping it off with 10 shakes of the really hot stuff.
This old gringo asked for help and got a predictable explanation: Mexicans really like zesty flavors. What's more, some believe a steady diet of blistering condiments aids digestion, prevents cancer, makes teeth whiter and delays baldness. Come to think of it, you don't see many bald Mexicans.
Question: Do Mexicans pay taxes?
Answer: Some do and some don't. This is a cash society. A lot of business is off the books. Little merchants don't bother too much with records. At a glance, it appears governments do a mediocre job of chasing tax money. Incidentally, Mexico is blessed relief from U.S. and Canadian tax-and-spend policies. A partner of low taxes is low regulation. Low regulation keeps many costs lower. Regarding Mexico taxes, you get what you pay. Not much.
Question: What do you know about Mexican women?
Answer: Only from observation, many are beautiful, some can sing and dance, many seem happier than they probably are. Mexico remains a macho stronghold. Fathers are macho. Brothers are macho. Boyfriends are macho. Husbands are macho. Many really believe a woman's place is in the bedroom or the kitchen.
President Vicente Fox has acknowledged that Mexico must do more to overcome widespread machismo. He didn't help much when he joked that women are just "washing machines with two legs."
You may not believe this but Mexico construction workers still whistle at girls. Best I can tell, this being a Catholic country, the men never get pregnant.
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